The Best Dull Posts of 2010

As 2010 comes to a close, I wanted to thank all my dear readers who peruse my blog when bored at work or wherever they may be. I promise you more Tales from the Dull Co-worker in 2011 and perhaps even a book by that name. Maybe I could sell three - four copies of it. Who knows what the year may bring!


Without further adieu, here are my top 5 posts from the past year according to my readers:

Warning! This Blog Contains an Actual Work Email

I find it intriguing that even though this post came with a warning label , it was the most popular. A big thank you to my co-worker who sent this email and enlightened us about the secret abilities of office mice. We now have "Beware of Cat" signs all over the building.

Does Your Desk Need a Make Over?

I am thrilled I featured my own desk in this blog so the world could see what a style diva I am in terms of decorating. It motivated me to hold my first ever Desk Make Over contest. The winning desk will be showcased in a blog in the coming week!

There's No Accounting For Taste...

I do feel bad for the Accounting department's cramped conditions.

Office Meeting Room Decor

My co-workers love using the meeting rooms with these pictures. We've recently added this picture to help the situation: The Cure for that Blah Feeling

As I mentioned in this post, I am going to write insurance mystery and suspense novels. In addition to the ones listed in this post, I will write another one whose title was inspired by one of Stieg Larsson's popular books. Mine will be called "The Girl Who Played With Fire, Accidentally Burned Her House Down but Had No Home Insurance."

Happy New Year everyone!

DCW

New Years Resolutions for the DCW

This is the time of year many of us ponder what we would like to change in our lives. After much pondering (I really like the word "ponder", can you tell?), we announce to the world our resolutions in the hopes this will make us stick to these resolutions.


So, after much reflection, after recently turning forty AND after the surprise appearance of Justin Bieber in my hometown for two days in a row, I am proud to announce the following resolutions for 2011:

1. Grow my hair out. This will be a Huge focus for me for 2011.




2. Lose weight in my calves so my high boots fit better. My problem is that currently I have big calves apparently from working out. This is not a good thing when trying to zip up my high winter boots. Why are the fashion gods only concerned about boots for skinny calved women?




3. Start a movement against boot companies that only make boots for skinny calved women.




4. Learn all the words to Flo Rida's Club Can't Handle Me so that I can sing it anywhere with no accompanying instruments or background music.




5. Turn my workplace into a Glee-like setting where we spontaneously break into song throughout the day (this is where my knowledge of Flo Rida lyrics and my ability to change lyrics to things like "insurance can't handle me" will come in handy).




6. Participate in a flash mob.




7. Start a flash mob at work.




8. Become less like Michael Scott (from The Office).




9. Have my own show on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network). Perhaps my shows "Struggling for Coherence" or "Meeting Crashers" that I mentioned in My Resume post in August will finally come to fruition.




10. Become friends with Oprah.

Seasons Greetings

As my September 13th post announced, I'm going to start a greeting card company called "Sorry For Your Life" greeting cards. The Christmas season has inspired me to come up with the following cards which you'll soon be able to purchase online for your friends, family and colleagues:

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in a long time but you're really not that interesting."

"I'm sorry your forty and elderly men keep hitting on you. But at least someone finds you attractive."

"Another birthday, another year closer to death. Have a great day!"

"I see you're getting older but you're certainly not maturing."

"You're a terrible co-worker. I hope you get fired soon."

"Thanks for the gift. It's obvious you gave this gift no thought...perhaps you felt you had to get me something because I always get you something but at least I get you something useful...I have no idea what I'm going to do with your gift. Perhaps I'll re-gift it and give it someone at work I can barely tolerate. Thanks anyways. "

Dance Dance Office Revolution

When work gets a little dull, I like to book a meeting room, turn up the tunes and dance. Here are my moves.

See if you can follow along.

Move 1

Move 2


Move 3

Repeat

I know, this will be the biggest at work dance ever AND it rivals any choreography done in the flash mobs This will be bigger than the macarana!

So book that meeting room, grab some co-workers, turn up the tunes, dance your heart out and banish any hint of dullness!

Desk Decorating for the Holidays

Your home isn’t the only thing that needs decorating for the holidays. Why not decorate your workspace with trendy, timeless and chic holiday decorations?

Today's post we'll feature the most prominent holiday desk decoration: The Really Big Eraser Although it's obvious how this ties into Christmas, let me explain for those of you who can't see the connection.

First of all, the eraser is pink. Most Christmas decorations are red or green. So you can see right there that the pink eraser is stylish as it's atypical. It's a trendsetter in the Christmas decor department. I would buy a whole bunch of these this year because you can guarantee that stores won't have them in stock next Christmas...they'll be totally sold out!

Secondly, the eraser is known worldwide and so is Christmas.

Thirdly, it's vintage. Vintage is in and if you don't believe me, check out interior design diva, Hare Styling's December 8th post.

Finally, the big eraser is meant to sit on your desk along with the other festive decorations. It symbolizes the yuletide spirit. Who doesn't feel spirited when looking at a big eraser? Plus, the writing on the eraser ("For BIG Mistakes") is a nice reminder that you make alot of mistakes, especially at work...like continuing to work there...

The Best Birthday Gift

I just turned forty the other week. Given that I'm single, my brother-in-law thought he'd help me out by giving me this gift:

I will let you know if it works!

Cruise Tips - The Final Voyage

This is my final installment on my cruise travel tips:

• Beware that other passengers (usually the older ones) will move very slowly and will stop in the middle of any isle or hallway at any point in time. They will be completely oblivious to the fact that others are behind them or are trying to move forward. They will stand there for a while perhaps talking to their spouse or friend. Be calm and try not to get irritated. Soon you will be one of these people.

• Remember your manners. I am always surprised when I hear fellow passengers forget to use “please” and “thank you” when speaking to the ship’s staff. For example, when asking for food or a drink they bark an order like they’re a drill sergeant in the military. There is no use of a cordial tone, no “please”, no “thank you” and it confounds me. These men and women on the ship work so hard, they don’t make much money and they still smile even though they are treated rudely. The very least we can do when asking them to serve us is be kind. By the way, this suggestion applies to anywhere you go in life.


• If you’d like something on the ship and you can’t find it, just ask. My friend and I had been using the hairdryer in our cabin’s bathroom that looked like it was from the 60’s. I was born in the 70’s and remember my mother’s hairdryer was a big contraption with a long rubber hose that when used to dry your hair, would almost burn your hands. This is what they had on the ship. When speaking to our tablemates at dinner at the end of the cruise, my friend and I had mentioned we were surprised that the ship didn’t have more modern hairdryers. We found out they did, all we had to do was ask….this is a piece of knowledge that would have come in handy at the beginning of the cruise before my hair looked like this….

Cruise Travel Tips Especially for My Fellow Canadians

This is the second in my three part "The Dull Co-Worker Cruise Tips" articles which I was inspired to write based on last week's cruise experience. In this post, I try to inpart some wisdom to my fellow Canadians which may or may not be helpful to those readers from other parts of the globe:

• On a cruise, lines may mean nothing. I’ve experienced on more than one occasion where most passengers follow social etiquette and stand in line to get food but then, another passenger or two will walk right past the line to the counter and get served immediately. It’s interesting because no one seems to confront these line jumpers…likely that’s because the line is full of other Canadians who would just apologize for being in the person’s way in the first place. My tip here for my fellow Canadians: do not apologize in this situation for heaven’s sake. I know we have a habit of apologizing for no reason at all so try your best to quash that instinct. Just be your laid back self and do absolutely nothing but wait until you are called upon.
  


• Be prepared that you will find very limited hockey news on the ship. The ship will carry ESPN (the sports network) and will report on everything but the hockey scores. Even though there are over 25 NHL hockey teams in the USA, there’s barely any hockey news to be found on the TV. Does Canada sell a patch to help their hockey fans handle a week without hockey news? Perhaps this is something that could be sold at Tim Horton’s (our unofficial national coffee & donut shop).
  
  


• If you are a Canadian, others will identify you as a Canadian soon after you speak. Apparently, we say “eh” after most sentences and we may not even realize this. At least we’re self-deprecating and can easily make fun of this trait, eh?
  


• You will meet people who know nothing about your country. Be gracious when answering questions. Especially if you are Canadian and another passenger has visited Vancouver which they believe to be right next to Toronto. Or, they may believe we have snow year round and we all speak French. Also, don’t be surprised if they are offended by our free health care which some may tell you is a symbol of communism????

The Love Boat Sails On

As I mentioned in my Love Boat post a few months ago, I used to work on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. Now I am fortunate enough to sail on one as a passenger. It’s a nice way to revive my soul after the ultra labour intensive office work (i.e. sitting on a cushioned chair and typing on a computer…don’t try this at home kids) I do in my real life.

In my other post, I listed some questions cruise ship passengers should never ask the cruise staff while onboard. This week, I will post a series of articles which will provide additional cruise information you may want to be aware of before embarking on this type of journey.

• This is the most important tip ever so if you remember nothing else, remember this: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get in the way of other passengers and their food. Passengers are like crazed animals that have never seen food before if they are in an area where food is being served. You must be like the US government and be in a state of constant high alert (code red…or is it orange?) so that you are not trampled. People get very angry with you if you somehow interfere with them getting food quickly so take note of this when in the buffet area or by the pool where they serve French fries and hamburgers.

• Be prepared to meet some fellow passengers who have very cool jobs which will make your office job seem even more dull than usual.
  
  There’s one passenger who I continually ran into on the islands who is a host of a travel show in the US. Her job this week is to tape her cruise ship experiences and update the pictures and video to Twitter and Facebook. Sign me up for that gig. I can tape my snorkeling in Dominica or beaching experience on St Kitts with the monkeys. Why on earth has my insurance company not asked me to do this?
  
  Instead I work away at designing a training program which involves explaining in pain staking detail the subtle nuances of a calculator used to assess the proper value of a commercial building (and by “commercial building” I do not mean a building that is used to film television commercials…it’s even more lackluster than that if you can believe it).
  
  On the way home from the cruise, I met a couple of men in the airport who had pretty interesting jobs. One was a stand-up comedian (I prefer to sit which is why I never made it as a stand-up comic). The other man was a teacher of theatrical stage sword fighting. Who knew this was a job? I should have got his contact information. Sword fighting could give a whole new meaning to the liability training seminars I run.
  
  
• If travelling with the aforementioned TV personality, be aware that your beach experiences and by beach experiences I mean those times you are basically-naked-in-your-bikini-which-you-thought-no-one-back-home-would-see-you-in, is being videotaped and will air in Texas and be posted on the internet. Great (please note the sarcasm in my voice when I write “great”).
  
  
  
• Any diva like tendencies that you had before the cruise will be significantly magnified when you return from the cruise. Upon your return, every minor task is daunting. Things like making yourself look even semi-presentable, making meals and driving your car seem like climbing Mount Everest. A trip to the grocery store is almost unfathomable because of the sheer intensity of effort that’s required.
  
  This is because your cruise life is a fantasy world and your real life is likely not. It is easy to become accustomed to people serving you fabulous meals and looking happy to see you, having your cabin cleaned twice a day and receiving chocolates on your pillow before you go to bed (note: do not sit on the chocolates when wearing white pants!).
  
  On the cruise, my main concerns were the following: what bathing suit to wear, am I wearing enough suntan lotion and what food will I eat because there’s so much to choose from. Life was simple because many people were doing things for me.
  
  Today my concern is, how will I stay warm and cope with the frigid temperatures for the next 3 – 4 months, what food will I eat as I have nothing in the house, and is it really necessary to wear makeup, comb my hair and put on non-wrinkled clothes when I leave my house?Is there not a group of people to help me with all of this? Maybe there's some sort of I'm-a-diva-who-went-on-a-cruise-and-now-can't-cope-with-the-basic-activities-of-daily-living support group I can go to.

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More Of My Favourite Things

OK, so my list of favourite things the other day had to do with my favourite posts which I've written. This list will focus on other things which I love! For more of my favourite things you can also check out my post Awesome Things.


Dairy Queen Chocolate Blizzard Extreme Ice Cream Cake: My birthday is fast approaching and as I'm getting older, I'm also getting wiser. The DQ cake has now become the most exciting thing about my birthday. It is perfection for anyone out there who is a chocolate lover or for anyone who is looking to add some extra weight on their hips.


Starbucks! I love the great customer service, coffee, treats and that they have enabled me to use the word "barista!" more frequently.

The new Taylor Swift CD: Now if you don't like Taylor Swift, you may not like this album.

Festivus! I love booking a Festivus Celebration at my office at the same time as the social committee's Christmas party. We'll see if the airing of grievances can entice more employees to my event than the promise of chips & dip.

Life Lessons

I like to control things. I tend to feel frustrated if I can't control people or circumstances. This can lead me to feel frustrated at work because there's a whole bunch of situations and people I can't control.

Have you ever noticed the more you try to control people or situations, the more irritated you get? For some reason they don't seem to get it that you know better...you know everything...you're perfect and they aren't. Or at least that's what you think.

Work can be challenging if we make it challenging. It depends on the attitude we approach it with. Either it can make us better or reveal the areas we need to develop. People we encounter in our work day or even on the roads as we drive to and from work are our teachers. Until we learn the lessons, we will continue to repeat the situations until we get it right.

So what are these lessons we're to learn? Maybe it's refraining from judging someone or some situation in a negative way. Maybe someone in your workplace has the opposite personality or viewpoint as you and you can't for the life you of you fathom how they can't see that your way of doing things or your opinions are "right" and theirs is "wrong."

Could the lesson be allowing that person to be who they are and accepting they do things differently or see things differently? Sometimes the lesson is compassion. Sometimes it's openess and non-resistance. Sometimes it's forgiveness and extending grace even though the person may not deserve it.

Whatever you give you get. If you give negativity even through your thoughts, it comes back to you like a boomerang. It may not come back to you through the person you're thinking negatively about, but it will come back to you in some way. It's a law of life.

So, if you want more out of life, out of your job, out of your relationships, it's simple: give more. Stop trying to control, let it go and focus on giving. Give more enthusiasm. Give more kindness. Give more love and positive energy with no thought of being recognized. Give more even when you don't feel like it.

I challenge you to try this for a day, a week, or a month and see how this changes your world.

My Favourite Things!

Who said my friend Oprah is the only one who can have a "My Favourite Things" show? Since I can't buy all my readers cool things like O, I will instead give you my list of favourite blog posts for you to check out if you haven't already (note: I realize this borders on being incredibly vain):

How to Jazz Up a Day at Work

My Resume

DCW Launches Clothing & Fragarance Line

The Love Boat

"Sorry For Your Life" Greeting Cards

Does Your Desk Need a Make Over?

Beautiful and Practical Desk Organization Strategies

Motivational Quote of the Day

How to Endure a Dull Conference

I have been at a conference for work this week. Fortunately it turned around but the first day I attended some thoroughly dull seminars. If you're ever in the same situation, try out some of the following techniques:

Continuously whisper to the person next to you and be shushed by a person 3 rows ahead of you. Then try to avoid the shusher for the remainder of the conference.

Remind yourself to always sit by the isle so you can make any easy escape. Never ever sit in the middle of the row (this is the most unsafe conference position because you are trapped).

Weigh the pros and cons of playing Brick Breaker on your BlackBerry in this scenario. Will others around you see what you're doing? Does it matter if they do?

Wonder if everyone else who appears to be listening is really faking it like you.

Contemplate why they decided to give us oatmeal and raisin cookies at lunch. It makes no sense when a chocolate chip cookie could be given instead. Raisins are so controversial but who can resist a cookie overflowing with chocolate chips?.

Tell people you are from Santiago, Chile even though you’re from Canada. See if anyone will challenge you because you are fair skinned with blond hair, blue eyes and you don’t speak Spanish.

Steal a ribbon that says “Award Winner” and place it on your name badge. If people ask what award you've one, make something up.

Pretend to be taking notes but write a blog post.

Travel Challenges in the Life of an Insurance Diva

I have been travelling for work lately which in theory sounds fantabulous. Don't get me wrong, it's great, however, there are some challenges I've faced over the past few days:

• Watching four episodes of Modern Family on an airplane without laughing out loud...or snorting when I laugh. One of the most difficult things EVER.

• Not understanding what they mean at the front desk when they tell me the room I reserved with the king bed is not available because the hotel is fully booked? Do I need to show them the Sienfeld episode about what a reservation means????

• Getting out of the back of the elevator with all my luggage when there's 6 other people in front of me who don't seem to understand they have to move so I can get out.

• Trying to open the plastic wrap on the soap in my hotel bathroom...who makes this indestructible plastic material and what goes on in their head? Is this some sort of national security issue? Do they really think some crazy person is going to tamper with these little soap bars???? And why is all the weight lifting I've been doing for the past twenty years not giving me the strength to open this?

• Trying for the life of me to understand how the hotel room coffee can taste so bad. Once again, we can put people into space but we can't have decent coffee in a hotel room???

• Trying to understand why I continue to drink the hotel room coffee.

• Trying to understand why I'm frequently chosen for a full body search at airport security. Do I really look that threatening? Are they reading my blog?

• Getting the roll of toilet paper to actually roll at some public washrooms so I have enough to use. Note: I am a diva, therefore, toilet paper is essential to me.

Top 10 Airport Pastimes

The Dull Co-worker has found herself once again travelling for work. As I sit here at the Vancouver airport at 6am and have almost two hours until my flight, I thought I'd write this blog on how to jazz up an otherwise dull wait at the gate besides the obvious texting/emailing.

1. Sing along to the Hall & Oates song they are playing at the nearby restaurant.


2. Listen to other people's conversations while pretending to read. You will hear fascinating bits of information being exchanged (e.g. "he said he's working on a speech on disarmament theories"...."I heard Miley Cyrus is a terrible live singer").


3. Figure out what is meant by "disarmament theory".


4. Contemplate whether it makes sense to get a Starbucks before the flight or not. Do I want to be totally hyper while sitting on a plane for five hours or would I rather fall asleep and drool on the person sitting next to me. I choose to drool.


5. Make friends. It reminds me of one of the lines in a Mitch Ablom book (I think it's from The Five People You Meet in Heaven): "Strangers are friends you haven't met yet."


6. People watch. Note: you must master the "quickly look away" manoveur because you don't want them to know you're watching them. That would just be creepy and wrong.


7. Clean out your purse (men, perhaps you have a man purse or a wallet to clean out?). Try to figure out if you really need the 6 pens, 4 napkins, and 3 different flavours of tea you never intend on drinking that you find at the bottom of your purse.


8. Visit the airport stores and try to determine how they can get away with charging so much for a bottle of water. Then purchase the water.


9. Read magazines at the airport stores.


10. Try to figure out what you'll do now that security has taken away your bear/dog spray.

How to Make Enemies at Work - The Saga Continues

A real life (I swear I do not make these up) conversation which occurred recently at my dear friend's work.

Co-worker 1 (female) to Co-worker 2 (female):
"Wow have you ever gained alot of weight on your holidays."

Are you starting to see that working with women can be dangerous?

Motivational Quote of the Day

I love to be inspired. Especially on those days where I just feel blah. I also love to be inspired on those days where I'm giving a big presentation to a large group of people and I want to make sure I really "wow" them (or when I'm instructed by my Vice President to really "wow" them...that's another thing I enjoy...being told that I have to give an amazing presentation because there are really "important" people who will be listening....no pressure).

Anyways, the other day before my big presentation, I wrote on a Post-it note a saying from a favourite singer of mine which helped me get in the right frame of mind.

This is what I wrote: "I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh" which is a line from Lady Gaga's hit song "Telephone".

Now this to you may not seem like a typical motivational or inspirational quote but for me it did the trick. It made me smile. I put the Post-it in between my presentation material so that when I was reviewing it before I did my big show, I saw it and it helped me stay calm. I remembered there's more important things in life than my work life. There's Lady Gaga.

Whether or not you like Lady Gaga or the song Telephone is irrelevant. What matters is finding something that resonates with you...something that will remind you that there's life beyond work, beyond your career. There are things in your life which you are passionate about. For me one of those things is music so looking at the quote reminds me not to take what I'm doing too seriously even though the world tells me to. It reminds me to be my authentic self even when work is pressuring me to try to woo insurance brokers.

In addition to this, this lyric is incredibly deep and a message to all those people who are trying to text and drink. Who knew you couldn't do both?! Clearly, Lady Gaga is onto something. Oh yes, and one other thing....don't try to wear a Lady Gaga inspired meat dress to your work's Halloween party...that doesn't go over so well either.

Question of the Day

What is up with people who "write" work emails and use "unnecessary" quotation "marks"?

My Thoughts On Being a Superstar

As you may recall, in my post from August 25th, Choosing Not To Become Famous, I clearly indicated I have made the important decision that everyone who works in insurance must make at some point: Fame versus Anonymity. I articulated all the reasons why I have chosen to reject the superstardom that threatens to entrap many in the insurance industry.

However, I must admit to you, the other day I got to thinking what life would be like if I was the Celine Dion, the Oprah Winfrey, the Sidney Crosby of the insurance industry.

Just imagine waking up in the morning, thinking of how weather patterns have wrecked havoc with the company’s profits, wondering what industry regulations could be coming down the pipe, contemplating rates, coverages, and combined ratios (I don’t know what that means but I hear the term a lot so I believe it has some sort of significance and thought I should throw it in). Pretty heady stuff. It’s intoxicating. I think it must be similar to Angelina Jolie’s life waking up next to Brad Pitt every morning.

The statement I’m making is obvious: who needs a hottie husband when you have this type of career?

Why aren’t more people clamouring to be in insurance and trying to attain superstardom in this industry? I often wonder. The intrigue, the mystery… the monotony. It’s everything a person could want in a full-time career. I think the average person must think it’s unobtainable and that they would never have the good fortune of being that “lucky” to work in insurance AND be an insurance star....it’s similar to winning the lottery.

Only this lottery is better...you don’t win millions of dollars and get to retire, but instead you get to work at a desk every day for 40 hours a week, attend meetings and read about specified perils (note: I do not expect you to know what “specified perils” means; I am simply using the term to dazzle you with my insurance acumen…and I wanted to use the word “acumen” after reading it in the airline magazine that was on the plane today).

Did you know that if you are a megastar in the insurance industry, there’s the possibility you might actually have an entourage? Who doesn’t want an entourage? Just the word “entourage” is scintillating. And it wouldn’t be just any entourage.... it would be an insurance entourage...filled with accountants, analysts and actuaries.

Insurance Superstar - if it sounds cool, that’s because it is.

How to Make Enemies at Work - Part 2

In October, I posted "How to Make Enemies at Work" which involved a real-life conversation between two of my co-workers.

Here is another work conversation. This one is from 1999 and involves "co-worker #1" from the other scenario.

Co-worker #1 (woman) to Co-Worker #2 (male):
"I see you're going bald. I once knew a guy who was going bald...he used to be good looking."

Work Idea of the Week

DCW's Work Idea of the Week: Record the song "What Do You Want From Me?" by Adam Lambert as the greeting for your voice mail at work.

So Last Week: Using a Justin Bieber haircut to woo the girls in the mail room.

Office Pranks to Pass the Time

Today’s post is taken from the book “Pranks and Pastimes for The Workplace” from Loncraine Broxton.

Suggestion #1 – Four Little Words

If your co-worker is called away from their desk and leaves a word processing or email document open, saunter over and change just a couple of words – four maximum. The changes are your co-worker won’t notice such small changes and will send the document out with your evil amendments intact!

Suggestion #2 - The Coffee Mugger

Switch the coffee in your office coffee-maker to decaf. Watch everyone become increasingly irritable as the day wears on, then switch back to espresso and make a quick getaway!

Sign Me Up For More Sinus Cold Medication

Sinus cold medication is my new friend. Let me tell you why. It makes work seem awesome.

Last week I made the important realization that when I am on non-drowsy, generic, sinus cold medication, I actually enjoy being at work. It feels like being slightly tipsy. It’s a feeling of serenity and calm. Maybe this is what all those people who meditate experience.

Normal work irritants seem trivial and are certainly not worth getting upset about. I appreciate my co-workers in a whole new way…I love them all! I am funnier and can easily laugh at my own “jokes” (when I say “jokes” I mean anything that I consider funny which can be just about anything; as I mentioned in other posts, I have a predisposition towards laughing at my own “jokes” but the cold medicine just enhances this characteristic).

Also, creative thoughts seem to flow out of me. I came up with brilliant slogans for some of our insurance products even though this has nothing to do with my job. Clearly, I am a blessing to my company when I am on this type of cold medication.

The moral of the story is the next time you feel you’re getting sick and you’re all bummed out because your body feels like crap, take some non-drowsy, cheap, no-name brand of cold relief medicine and experience the wonderment of these drugs. See how they mix beautifully with your work. Although I have to admit, it might be a good idea to have a colleague read all emails you send while on these drugs.

Coming Soon: the DCW ponders profound questions such as why can we put people into space but we can’t make a cough syrup that doesn’t taste awful? What does this say about us a species? What is wrong with us???? And how can you really describe it as “cherry” flavoured? Isn’t that an insult to cherries everywhere?

Alert! These are not the same!

DCW's Month of October

October was a busy month for the Dull Co-worker (DCW). Let's recap what I was up to:

On October 2nd, I posted one of my personal favourite blogs, Does Your Desk Need a Makeover...is it wrong that when I reread it, I laugh? What does that say about me? I hope you enjoy it as well and find it inspirational. You too can have a desk that looks like mine...think positive...don't give up...don't be self-critical...it may take some time but you will get there my friend.

This blog inspired me to create the worldwide DCW Desk Makover Contest Extravaganza (note: I love the word "extravaganza" and will use it in whatever context I can...why don't you do the same and see how it can spice up your work emails, meetings, conversations, etc.). This contest is open until November 12th until 1:53pm Eastern Standard Time. Keep sending me your photos! Just because you're reading this and you live in Slovenia, South Korea or Latvia, don't think you can't win. The Dull Co-worker will travel to you if you win this contest.

For those of you who are into Do It Yourself (DIY) projects, you can also check out my Beautiful and Practical Desk Oranization Strategies post. It contains some simple tips to help create a welcoming and warm workspace.

I also noted how my decorating talents have been recognized at my workplace and I have been asked to be the interior designer for our meeting rooms. In my Office Meeting Room Decor post I showcased some of my personal favourite pictures which hang in our meeting rooms.

You can certainly see the theme this month has alot to do with adding ambience to your work environment so that you can have time to get to what's truly important at work. My Effective Email Management Strategies post will also help you manage your workload so you have more time at work to get to important personal emails and surf the internet.

During October, I also mentioned how I have launched some free seminars. Please email me at thedullcoworker@gmail.com if you'd like me to come to your city and speak on any of the seminars listed in the Free Motivational Seminars by the DCW post. For those of you who are in leadership positions, you may want to consider some of the information given in the Creating Ineffective Work Relationships and My Favourite Work Moments posts.

Those are just some of the posts from October. Of course there are others that revealed mice can read (see the Warning! This Blog Contains an Actual Work Email post). Thank you to the person who responded with the comment that my office should just post a "Beware of Cat" sign. I love it and have suggested it to my alliance member who wrote the email.

Thank you to all who have read my blog this month and a big thank you to my friends from Hare Styling and Simply Nature who have inspired me in so many ways.

Effective Email Management Strategies

Fact: email has become the number one communication tool in the workplace. Therefore, it’s not surprising that workers are virtually drowning in a sea of emails every day with no one throwing them a life line. Endless articles are written and courses are taught on how workers can effectively manage their email so they have time to do what’s truly important.

I have read much of the literature and my post today will summarize all the data into some very easy and simple techniques which will help you manage your emails so that you can have more time at work to:

• Check and update Facebook


• Check and update Twitter


• Surf the internet for the latest celebrity news (e.g. keep up to date on whether Lindsay Lohan is in or out of rehab)

Dull Co-worker Email Tips

1. Unsubscribe to any work-related newsletters or advertisers. That will leave more room in your inbox for emails from Banana Republic, Shopper’s Drug Mart and other important shops that are advertising sales.

2. Set aside time to process your work related emails once a day. For example, if you work 9am – 5pm, set aside 4:55pm – 5:00pm to respond to those time-sensitive emails that require an immediate response. This will allow you more time in the day to send emails to friends, keep in touch with family members and make social plans for after work and weekends.

3. Delete the following types of emails:
a. Those you are unable to respond to during the 5 minute scheduled email time
b. Those from people you don’t like
c. Those containing a request from a co-worker who is asking you to do something you don’t want to do
d. Those that require you to compose a response that would require alot of thinking, analyzing, or researching
e. Those that are boring

Office Meeting Room Decor

Since my October 2nd Desk Makeover post, I’ve been approached by the Facilities department at my work place to decorate our meeting rooms. It seems they were impressed with my desk beautification skills and want me to add some zest to these rooms.

Here is what I'm proposing for the meeting room walls:

Perplexing Remarks

My post from October 23rd (How to Make Enemies at Work) got me thinking about other comments people have made. When someone makes a statement, sometimes I'm perplexed on how to respond as I'm not sure if it's a compliment, an insult or just an observation.

Maybe the intention is to give a compliment but the way it's said makes me wonder if it's an insult or just an observation. I hesitate to say "thank you” because then I'd feel foolish if it's not a compliment (case in point, Oct 23 blog).

But then I'm afraid that if the person did intend to give me a compliment and I didn’t thank them, I could be perceived as being rude. Then, I just start feeling annoyed that I'm even in this predicament in the first place.

Here are some examples from my life:

Example #1: "Your hair looks different"

Does this mean “I love your hair” or "I really don't think your hair looks good at all and I can't believe you are walking around with that hairstyle" or “Thank goodness you changed your hair because it looked hideous before” or “I don’t normally check you out this much but now I am and I need your confirmation that you look different than you did yesterday.”

Example #2: "That's a bright coat/dress/shirt"

I never know how to respond to this. What I'd like to say is "Yes, compared to your drab outfit that makes you barely indistinguishable from these gray walls, my outfit is bright.”

Example #3: "Your eyes are really blue"

Did these people have colour recognition issues as children and thus require constant reassurance they can correctly identify colours??? Are they looking me to say "Good job! Yes, the colour is blue not green or brown. Now let's move on to discuss shapes....here is an example of a circle....”

Frightening Work Moment

Do you know what is more frigthening than a horror movie...it's the moment when you willingly turn the radio station at work from Top 40 and rock music to listen to elevator music and 70's easy listening. What's even more scary is that you can passionately defend this to your colleagues, friends and family members who find this alarming.

This can only be explained by my "Drugs In The Air Vent Theory" (DITAVT). See my post from Sept 6th for a detailed account of this highly plausible and completely scientific conspiracy theory.

How to Make Enemies at Work

Actual conversation from my workplace in 1998 between two women I worked with:

Co-worker 1: "That's a nice dress."

Co-worker 2: "Thank you."

Co-worker 1: "But not on you."

Indulge: A Tasty Workplace Recipe

Everyone knows that bringing lunch to work is economical but sometimes it’s hard to know what to make for lunch. Well, the Dull Co-worker has created the perfect meal for you to take to work. Try out this scrumptious and easy recipe for either breakfast or lunch. It’s guaranteed to add zest to anyone’s work day and make your co-workers drool with envy!

Dull and Dreary Inspired Lunch Fiesta

Ingredients

Bread
1 teaspoon butter (room temperature)

Directions

1. Put bread in toaster for approximately 2 minutes or until brownish


2. Top with butter


3. Serve on a plate garnished with a paper towel


4. Enjoy!
   
   

Win a DCW Desk Make Over!

My Does Your Desk Need a Make Over blog (October 2nd), has inspired me to launch a “Win a DCW Desk Make Over Contest Extravaganza!”.

Send a picture of your desk to thedullcoworker@gmail.com and you could win a desk make over by me, the Dull Co-Worker (DCW).

All entries are also eligible for the chance to be featured in my blog. So all of you readers out there around the world, don’t hesitate to send in your pictures.

Contest ends November 12, 2010 at 1:53pm (EST). It is open to all residents of all countries in the world either over or under the age of majority in their province, territory, state or country of residence. One entry per person per email address. No purchase necessary.

Note: A mathematical skill-testing question is not necessary to win because they are quite frankly overused in contests and in school and it makes no logical sense to ask that type of question in this situation. Odds of winning are likely very strong as I don't expect many entries to be received. The winner of the contest must also fly me to their desk location, all expenses paid... and did I mention I'm really high maintenance?

Warning! This Blog Contains an Actual Work Email

In today’s post I will share with you an email that was recently sent to all employees in my company:

Now that the weather is getting cooler, we have seen an increase in the amount of rodent activity within the facility over the last couple of weeks. We are taking steps to control this however, your help is also needed. It is imperative that all employees help by not leaving any food (food trays, cakes etc) out in department common areas or in the kitchens throughout the facility. It is up to each department to ensure that all food is removed from common areas before the end of each day. Also, please do not keep food at your desk. Doing this is tantamount to a written invitation to mice to come to your desk. Whether it is sealed or not, the more food in the desks the greater the chance of having mice at your desk and the more difficult it will become to combat the problem…it is that simple.

So why did I include this in my blog?

1. It's obviously incredibly interesting reading.


2. The writer of the email is in my alliance.


3. It incorporates the highly-underutilized-in-corporate-communications word: “tantamount”. Wow, does that ever take this email to a new level.


4. It lets us know that mice can read! I didn’t know that. As the writer points out, food is a “written invitation to mice.” Did you know that?


5. It has encouraged me to leave notes to the mice on my left over food…
   
   
   

There's No Accounting For Taste...

As I mentioned in my October 2nd post, “Does Your Desk Need a Makeover”, one of my friends at work has a blog on interior design for the home (Hare Styling). Another friend of mine at work has a blog called Simply Nature which is filled with magnificent pictures of landscapes, animals and flowers.

I am often envious of the beauty and striking photos contained in both of these blogs. So, I thought I should share some stunning and elegant photos of the innovative and trendy look of one of our office's workspaces. This is where we keep our accounting department...

My Favourite Work Moments

A brief collection of actual work moments experienced by the Dull Co-Worker (I wish I could say I made these up):

- When someone says your new dress makes you look like you belong on Star Trek. What makes this comment more disturbing is that the person who said this works in I.T. (and I should clearly listen to them because the I.T. department is known for being on the cutting edge of fashion).

(Star Trek dress...not my dress)

- When your company thinks they are doing employees a favour by coming around 5 minutes before you normally leave on the Friday before a long weekend and tell you to all go home early. Thanks.

- When companies do an employee “appreciation” event which requires employees spend a few hours outside in the rain and cold during a Canadian fall. Fun. I feel SO appreciated (note: for those of you who are unaware of the temperatures during a Canadian fall, let's just say it can get rather chilly).

- When a company in an attempt to show employees how much they care about them, give them a no-name treat. Nothing says “I value your service and hard work” like the cheapest version of ice cream/chips/granola bars you can buy. How incredibly motivating!!!!

- When your company listens to the consultant they hired and mandates that all employees must track every minute of their work day including trips to the washroom, phone calls and casual conversations with colleagues. They must then enter that information into an Excel spreadsheet to send to their manager at the end of every day. In case you’re wondering, stop watches were used to track the time and the actual time spent tracking the time is 30 minutes per day.

- When the President of your company thinks it would make a nice Christmas gift to give all staff the book he wrote as a Christmas gift… two years in a row.

- When the President of your company writes ANOTHER book and he decides it would make a nice Christmas gift to give all staff the book as a Christmas present. Do you know what I’m expecting this year for Christmas?

Creating Ineffective Work Relationships

NEW Management Seminar!

Conflict in the workplace is something every organization strives for. It’s an important component of employee well-being, satisfaction and often leads to productivity in the workplace. Many employers struggle with how to create tension and poor relationships in the organization. In this seminar, we will share research and strategies that managers can use to let tension, bitterness and negativity thrive in their organizations.

Participants will learn:

• How to develop initiatives that breed resentment and antagonism amongst employees.
• How to create alliances with a handful of colleagues in order to spread rumours and lies about other co-workers.
• What tactics management can use to turn good, hard-working and dedicated employees into demoralized, apathetic and stressed out individuals who dread coming to work. Particular focus will be given on how to secretly steal their ideas and pass them off as theirs, “reward” them with a miniscule raise, give them an unreasonable amount of work, and withhold all positive feedback.
• What factors strain work relationships and how management can create more of these ineffective relationships. A case study involving a situation where a senior manager openly put down one group of employees in front of another group of employees will be analyzed and discussed.
  
  Register soon as space is limited. Don’t miss your opportunity to discover the power of destructive and conflict-laden work relationships in your organization! Remember, it’s not work if there’s no conflict.

Beautiful and Practical Desk Organization Strategies

Since I published my Oct 2 blog, Does Your Desk Need a Makeover, I have been inundated with readers asking for more information on how to keep a messy and disorganized work space.

Here are a few more tips I can share:

1. Eliminate all desk organizers and file folders. These are huge barriers to a messy desk. Plus filing is tedious and boring just like the rest of your job. Why would you want more of that in your life?
   


2. Keep your letter tray full. Never ever discard documents. Keep items like memos, print-outs and random things in piles on your desk. Not only will this add much needed clutter to your desk, but the extra paper has an added benefit: it will camouflage you so your co-workers will not be able to see you when you’re at the desk. They will just see a huge mess. Avoiding your colleagues means you won’t have to help them with a project or other distasteful , work-related, time wasters.
   


3. Keep all pens that have run out of ink. You don’t need them anymore but that doesn’t mean they should be discarded. Saving them provides a splash of colour and intrigue. Plus, it’s a way for you to remember all the good times you had using them at work. It helps cement those precious work memories deep into your cerebral cortex so when you’re old you can look back at that pen with fondness and relive the “good old days” you had at your desk.
   


4. Keep books, photos, and left over food wrappers on your desk. You’ve likely read other articles which encourage you to hide, minimize or dispose of these items. Let’s dig a little deeper and see what’s really going on here (note: Dr Phil would encourage us to do this). Hiding your books indicates you’re afraid to let people know that you read. This is something to be proud of. Don’t hide that fact. And don’t be ashamed of those photos of your loved ones even though they may not be attractive. Sure you could have done better and married someone hotter but you didn’t. Display those pictures proudly. And for heaven’s sake, having a candy bar wrapper on your desk shows you are really trying to fill your body with enough sugar so you can plow through all that work the company is making you do at your lower-than-industry-standard salary.
   
   So remember, if someone tells says your desk is “messy” they are really saying it’s marvelously mesmerizing :-)

Motivation In the Workplace

My brother–in-law told me about this fantastic website http://www.despair.com/ where you can purchase very cool office accessories like posters, mousepads and calendars. These accessories are meant to demotivate you…similar to what the management of your company does. Please check out this site if you’re looking for a good laugh.

Here are some of my favourites:

Free Motivational Seminars by the DCW

One of the jobs the Dull Co-worker (DCW) is thinking of pursing is becoming a motivational speaker. I already have a list of all the seminars I’m planning on talking about and am proud to announce they will all be free of charge.

Here is my course catalogue:

The Secret: How to Keep the Weight On

Are you tired of being embarrassed by your six-pack abs? Are you ashamed because your body is constantly compared to that of a super model? Do you find it difficult to eat high fat, high calorie snacks because you’re always eating a perfect mix of fruits, vegetables and protein? Do you have a fast metabolism and are constantly described as "skinny" or "thin"? This workshop will unlock the "secret" so you can be more of who you already are!

If you find it difficult to keep weight on your hips, stomach and thighs, worry no more! Your instructor will share with you tips that are guaranteed to keep your Body Mass Index in the “heavy” to “obese” category. You will be taught the six step process of successful snacking on treats brimming with trans-fats and calories. You will be guided on how to stop eating just when you're hungry and learn the benefits of eating when you're already full. Strategies will also be shared on how to eat when you're frustrated, bitter, angry and sad.

Weight gain is guaranteed or your money back!

How to Develop Low Self-Esteem

Is your self-esteem too high? Many people struggle with loving themselves too much. In this session, you will learn several tools and approaches which you can use to decrease your self-image so you can think less of yourself.

By the end of this session, you will be able to:

• Let people walk all over you in the workplace and your personal life
• Say “yes” to every request by every person you meet and feel incredible guilt if you ever do say “no”
• Harshly criticize your body
• Compare yourself to others who are on TV, in the movies and in magazines in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself
• Increasingly think thoughts that will lead you to feel depressed and hopeless about yourself and your life
• Utlize passive-aggressive behaviour in most relationships and situations

Living the Lazy Life: Your Guide to a Below Par Existence!

Are you too active? Are you always running, playing sports, or going to the gym and never finding time to sit for hours and do absolutely nothing?

In this session you will:

• Learn the secrets to unlock the lethargy and laziness within
• Learn how to say “no” to the gym and say “yes” to the high blood pressure, poor circulation and plethora of diseases that come with a sedentary lifestyle
• Understand the importance of hours of watching TV, movies and surfing the internet
• Learn how to minimize your walking and all other exercise throughout the day to keep your activity level low

As an added bonus, your clothes may even become tighter prompting you to have to buy larger clothes! Space is limited so sign up today!

Imperfection is Perfect: Finding Your Inadequate Partner

Are you tired of finding love with wonderful people? Are you searching for that one perfect person who will annoy you like no other? So many people are stuck in relationships filled with love, kindness, respect and zero conflict. Take heart, there are others out there suffering just like you. They too are looking for someone to make them feel hate and repulsion they didn’t think was possible.

In this seminar, we will scientifically match you with people who are totally incompatible with you and with whom you have nothing in common. This matching model is based on absolutely no research and has proven to be 100% successful. Be lonely no more. Be miserable with someone else forever.

Does Your Desk Need a Make Over?

A friend of mine has a blog on home decor, called Hare Styling for the Home. It’s quite popular. Regrettably, her blog contains beautiful pictures of how to enhance your home décor and does not deal with how to add pizzazz to your workspace. Since most people spend approximately eight hours a day at work, the Dull Co-worker thinks it’s important to add some decorating flair to your desk. Let’s take a look at this season’s hottest desk decorating trends!

I do hate to brag, but my desk is a potpourri of style as you can see by the pictures below. Notice the cords and mouse strewn about in a haphazard manner. This creates visual interest for my colleagues as it goes against the typical symmetry and clean, open space of most desks. Like a fine piece of art, my desk leaves people with different impressions. Some might think to themselves: “she’s obviously busy….I should leave her alone. She’s really got it going on. Look, she doesn’t even have time to organize her desk. Impressive! I wish my desk could look like that!”

Colourful Desk Decor Accessories

Another item I’d like to draw attention to is the pile of coloured stars on the right hand side placed neatly on the ultra high quality stereo from Walmart (note: this is in no way an endorsement of Walmart or its products and I am no way responsible for any poor quality items purchased at Walmart across Canada or the U.S.).

The stars are for the “Star of the Day Award” I give to colleagues to motivate and show them my appreciation for a job well done. For example, if they use the word “jazzy “, “breezy” or “tornadic” unexpectedly, I could give them the Star of the Day Award. Or, if they are going for coffee and ask if they could get me some, the Star of the Day is in their future! Basically, the award is given in a whimsical manner. The criteria is in no way fixed or fair which can be frustrating to those who really do want to win this prestigious award (I will not go on and on about the time I gave myself my own award; that was quite the day!).

Other items include pictures of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever with my head superimposed on his body. This was done by a co-worker after I one day wore the exact same outfit to work as Mr. Travolta was wearing in this picture (this was purely accidental!). Cheerful, vibrant yet sophisticated, this picture radiates the aura of fun and frivolity and still keeps the “I’m intelligent and can do this job” message.

Beside that on the right is a list of my ideas for R Magazine that I want to start one day. Thank goodness my name doesn’t start with an “O” like Oprah’s. Could you imagine the awkward conversation I’d have to have with Oprah telling her my magazine has the same name as hers?

Style Trend: The Classic Post-it Note

One accessory that never goes out of style is the ever in vogue Post-it note. In the above picture, notice the multitude of these shimmering squares of colour on the desk and on the wall. This is to symbolize the passion, energy and excitement of work.

The Post-it notes from a distance look like task reminders like “plan insurance liability seminar“ or "gather information on knob and tube wiring". In reality, the Post-it notes have random sayings like “I cannot text you with a drink in my hand -Lady Gaga.” Another Post-it says, “Stop callin’, stop callin’, I don’t wanna talk anymore” (another Gaga reference) which I sometimes post on my phone in an effort to telepathically communicate to would be callers that I really don’t want to talk to them about anything work related (the temptation to record “Telephone” as my voice message at work is overwhelming).

Multi-functional and Luxurious: Paper

Another lavish and chic desk accessory is paper. In the above picture you will see posted paper on the wall. One such paper includes the lyrics to Ke$ha’s hit song, Tik Tok. As I mentioned in my blog from January 14th, these lyrics were critical for my Tik Tok Lyric Initiative I employed in January.

I sent the Tik Tock lyrics to my co-workers and indicated everyone is to use a line from the song in all communications that day. For example, “Sara, can you please send me the stats. And by the way, I’m talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk…” or "Frankie, can you help me with this report cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back..."(if you and your colleagues would like to take the Tik Tok Lyric Challenge, see my January 15th blog for the lyrics).

There’s also a copy of an email I sent to a co-worker asking him to hire me on the building services team (note: I am extremely NOT mechanical and lack building maintenance and assembly skills that would be required in this job...but as I noted in the posted email, I am good at dressing in business or casual attire and I excel at delegating to people who know what they're doing... shockingly, I did not get this job). What better way to brighten up your workspace then by advertising other job postings that you’ve applied for?

So now dear readers, feel empowered to reinvent and rejuvenate your workspace. Send in your desk photos for a chance to be featured in this blog. Who knows. Depending on how I’m feeling, you may even be granted the coveted Star of the Day Award. Happy Decorating!

Lady BlahBlah

It’s hard to be creative and dull at the same time. Writing this blog requires me to have some sort of creativity which is hard to manifest when you’re dull ...dull because your years of work in the corporate world has sucked the vitality and creativity from every fibre of your being (along with the Drugs in the Air Vents...see my post from Sept 6th for more information on that conspiracy theory).

And it’s hard to promote your blog when:

1. Your target audience is people who want to read about someone with a dull job.

2. You have an alias. It’s like you’re walking around with this secret and you can only share it with a trusted few people for fear of being discovered. Having an alias is almost being like Clark Kent or some type of super hero. Only I’m not in comic books, there’s no movie coming out about me, I don’t save lives, and I don’t have any costume changes...sad...I always wanted to dress like Wonder Woman. Unfortunately, that would not be in compliance with our corporate dress code nor would I be able to include it in my Dull Co-Worker (DCW) fashion line (see my post from September 7th for more information on that business venture).

3. I can’t advertise to people I work with because I could be fired (it’s hard to be anti-insurance in an "I Love Insurance" world)...it’s like the new song by Flo Rida “The Club Can’t Handle Me”...my song would be “Insurance Can’t Handle Me!” I’m working on writing that song right now and I’m sure it will be a Top 40 Hit along with another song called “Bad Office Romance.” I will publish that song under my other alias: Lady BlahBlah. Stay tuned.

Travel Questions from an Insurance Diva

Beyoncé travels across the world looking hot, hanging with fellow superstar husband, Jay-Z, promoting her album. My life is similar. Just like Beyoncé, I too have been on tour. Well I don’t have a hot body like hers, I’m jazzy but not married to Jay-Z , and I just sing for whoever is forced to listen to me, but I have also been on tour.


I have been travelling across Canada on my insurance tour this past week creating endless insurance memories across our great nation. Maybe I’ll do some “behind the scenes” documentary on how it all comes together so fans can get a glimpse of me drinking my hotel room coffee and pouring over my seminar notes before my “shows”.


Anyways, here are some of the questions I’ve been pondering that came up during my tour.


· What is up with airport security frequently going through my purse and then pulling out the feminine hygiene products? When this happens, why is there always a male (looking uncomfortable at the sight of these products) beside me? Is the security staff worried these products are part of a terrorist plot?


· What is with the small size of the airport bathroom stalls? How are you supposed to fit yourself and the luggage inside the stall? As a high maintenance, insurance diva, I have a lot of luggage so going to the washroom can be quite challenging at times.



· And what is up with people talking on the cell phones when on the toilet? Am I the only one who finds that bewildering? Am I just too old fashioned and believe when you’re going #1 or #2 you shouldn’t be on the phone?


· Why is flushing the toilet so daunting to some people that they don’t do it in public washrooms?


· Can we all just agree that paper towels in the public washrooms are better than the hand dryers which either take forever to dry or the ones that are so powerful they almost blow the skin off your hands! (Can you tell that I’ve been in a lot of public washrooms lately?).


· 60 year olds making out and groping each other while standing outside their cars in rest areas on the highway: disturbing.


· Why aren’t Canadian Insurance or Canadian Underwriter magazines on the news stands in all Canadian airports? Because of this, people in airports resort to buying People and US Weekly and are forced to look at pictures of beautiful people leading lavish lives. It’s really quite tragic. What Canadians really want to read at the airport is a magazine which has spellbinding articles about such things as line records for boiler and machinery as well as how an I.I.I. study shows dog bite claims topped $400 Million in 2009 (note: I have no idea what I.I.I. stands for…I’m thinking one of the “I”s is for Insurance?). Lindsay Lohan’s legal plight cannot compete with the public’s demand for this mesmerizing information!


What is with people driving on the highway with the "Baby on Board" signs? I have never been able to figure out why people buy these signs? Are they saying:


· “You’d better not hit me because I have a baby in the car so if your car happens to careen out of control, for heaven’s sake, have enough sense to hit someone else on the highway whose life isn’t as precious…maybe a teenager or an elderly person…or a baby boomer …but don’t hit a car with a baby you moron.”


· Or are they saying “If you think I’m driving slow it’s only to protect the life of this baby so even though I’m driving so slow that I’m causing traffic chaos for everyone around me that’s OK because I have a baby in my car so I can do whatever I please. "


· Are these people thinking there’s a possibility a passing motorist will send them a baby shower gift?

These are my musings. Somehow I don’t think these questions arise for Beyoncé and Jay-Z when they are on tour.