"Sorry For Your Life" Greeting Cards

So one of my ideas for my Empire is to have a Greeting Card division. It will be called “Sorry for your Life” greeting cards. These are some of the cards you'll see soon at a store near you:

“Congratulations”
- Congratulations on getting into debt!
- Way to go on gaining all that extra weight! I knew that with the right combination of emotional eating and take out, you could do it!

"Encouragement"
- Never give up. If you really focus and try hard enough, you too can procrastinate .
- Your life is a mess…on the bright side, it can’t possibly get much worse.

"Love & Romance"
- I’m not that into you…and it IS you it’s not me.
- Diamonds are for as long as you need them to be
- Have I told you lately that I love you? No, I haven’t? I guess that’s because I don’t.

"Valentines day"
You’re a wonderful stalker! At least I have someone in my life.

"Friendship"
- Have I ever thanked you for being you? Looking at how messed up you are sure makes me feel better about myself.

"Work"
- Sorry you work in insurance.
- Sorry you didn’t get that promotion but the other person was better.
- Life is full of happiness…but not if you’re working here.

"Divorce"
- Separation is better than unity

"Anytime"
- Sorry you know me
- Sometimes life is full of disappointments…this card is just one of them