The Best Dull Posts of 2010

As 2010 comes to a close, I wanted to thank all my dear readers who peruse my blog when bored at work or wherever they may be. I promise you more Tales from the Dull Co-worker in 2011 and perhaps even a book by that name. Maybe I could sell three - four copies of it. Who knows what the year may bring!


Without further adieu, here are my top 5 posts from the past year according to my readers:

Warning! This Blog Contains an Actual Work Email

I find it intriguing that even though this post came with a warning label , it was the most popular. A big thank you to my co-worker who sent this email and enlightened us about the secret abilities of office mice. We now have "Beware of Cat" signs all over the building.

Does Your Desk Need a Make Over?

I am thrilled I featured my own desk in this blog so the world could see what a style diva I am in terms of decorating. It motivated me to hold my first ever Desk Make Over contest. The winning desk will be showcased in a blog in the coming week!

There's No Accounting For Taste...

I do feel bad for the Accounting department's cramped conditions.

Office Meeting Room Decor

My co-workers love using the meeting rooms with these pictures. We've recently added this picture to help the situation: The Cure for that Blah Feeling

As I mentioned in this post, I am going to write insurance mystery and suspense novels. In addition to the ones listed in this post, I will write another one whose title was inspired by one of Stieg Larsson's popular books. Mine will be called "The Girl Who Played With Fire, Accidentally Burned Her House Down but Had No Home Insurance."

Happy New Year everyone!

DCW

New Years Resolutions for the DCW

This is the time of year many of us ponder what we would like to change in our lives. After much pondering (I really like the word "ponder", can you tell?), we announce to the world our resolutions in the hopes this will make us stick to these resolutions.


So, after much reflection, after recently turning forty AND after the surprise appearance of Justin Bieber in my hometown for two days in a row, I am proud to announce the following resolutions for 2011:

1. Grow my hair out. This will be a Huge focus for me for 2011.




2. Lose weight in my calves so my high boots fit better. My problem is that currently I have big calves apparently from working out. This is not a good thing when trying to zip up my high winter boots. Why are the fashion gods only concerned about boots for skinny calved women?




3. Start a movement against boot companies that only make boots for skinny calved women.




4. Learn all the words to Flo Rida's Club Can't Handle Me so that I can sing it anywhere with no accompanying instruments or background music.




5. Turn my workplace into a Glee-like setting where we spontaneously break into song throughout the day (this is where my knowledge of Flo Rida lyrics and my ability to change lyrics to things like "insurance can't handle me" will come in handy).




6. Participate in a flash mob.




7. Start a flash mob at work.




8. Become less like Michael Scott (from The Office).




9. Have my own show on OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network). Perhaps my shows "Struggling for Coherence" or "Meeting Crashers" that I mentioned in My Resume post in August will finally come to fruition.




10. Become friends with Oprah.

Seasons Greetings

As my September 13th post announced, I'm going to start a greeting card company called "Sorry For Your Life" greeting cards. The Christmas season has inspired me to come up with the following cards which you'll soon be able to purchase online for your friends, family and colleagues:

"I'm sorry I haven't talked to you in a long time but you're really not that interesting."

"I'm sorry your forty and elderly men keep hitting on you. But at least someone finds you attractive."

"Another birthday, another year closer to death. Have a great day!"

"I see you're getting older but you're certainly not maturing."

"You're a terrible co-worker. I hope you get fired soon."

"Thanks for the gift. It's obvious you gave this gift no thought...perhaps you felt you had to get me something because I always get you something but at least I get you something useful...I have no idea what I'm going to do with your gift. Perhaps I'll re-gift it and give it someone at work I can barely tolerate. Thanks anyways. "

Dance Dance Office Revolution

When work gets a little dull, I like to book a meeting room, turn up the tunes and dance. Here are my moves.

See if you can follow along.

Move 1

Move 2


Move 3

Repeat

I know, this will be the biggest at work dance ever AND it rivals any choreography done in the flash mobs This will be bigger than the macarana!

So book that meeting room, grab some co-workers, turn up the tunes, dance your heart out and banish any hint of dullness!

Desk Decorating for the Holidays

Your home isn’t the only thing that needs decorating for the holidays. Why not decorate your workspace with trendy, timeless and chic holiday decorations?

Today's post we'll feature the most prominent holiday desk decoration: The Really Big Eraser Although it's obvious how this ties into Christmas, let me explain for those of you who can't see the connection.

First of all, the eraser is pink. Most Christmas decorations are red or green. So you can see right there that the pink eraser is stylish as it's atypical. It's a trendsetter in the Christmas decor department. I would buy a whole bunch of these this year because you can guarantee that stores won't have them in stock next Christmas...they'll be totally sold out!

Secondly, the eraser is known worldwide and so is Christmas.

Thirdly, it's vintage. Vintage is in and if you don't believe me, check out interior design diva, Hare Styling's December 8th post.

Finally, the big eraser is meant to sit on your desk along with the other festive decorations. It symbolizes the yuletide spirit. Who doesn't feel spirited when looking at a big eraser? Plus, the writing on the eraser ("For BIG Mistakes") is a nice reminder that you make alot of mistakes, especially at work...like continuing to work there...

The Best Birthday Gift

I just turned forty the other week. Given that I'm single, my brother-in-law thought he'd help me out by giving me this gift:

I will let you know if it works!

Cruise Tips - The Final Voyage

This is my final installment on my cruise travel tips:

• Beware that other passengers (usually the older ones) will move very slowly and will stop in the middle of any isle or hallway at any point in time. They will be completely oblivious to the fact that others are behind them or are trying to move forward. They will stand there for a while perhaps talking to their spouse or friend. Be calm and try not to get irritated. Soon you will be one of these people.

• Remember your manners. I am always surprised when I hear fellow passengers forget to use “please” and “thank you” when speaking to the ship’s staff. For example, when asking for food or a drink they bark an order like they’re a drill sergeant in the military. There is no use of a cordial tone, no “please”, no “thank you” and it confounds me. These men and women on the ship work so hard, they don’t make much money and they still smile even though they are treated rudely. The very least we can do when asking them to serve us is be kind. By the way, this suggestion applies to anywhere you go in life.


• If you’d like something on the ship and you can’t find it, just ask. My friend and I had been using the hairdryer in our cabin’s bathroom that looked like it was from the 60’s. I was born in the 70’s and remember my mother’s hairdryer was a big contraption with a long rubber hose that when used to dry your hair, would almost burn your hands. This is what they had on the ship. When speaking to our tablemates at dinner at the end of the cruise, my friend and I had mentioned we were surprised that the ship didn’t have more modern hairdryers. We found out they did, all we had to do was ask….this is a piece of knowledge that would have come in handy at the beginning of the cruise before my hair looked like this….

Cruise Travel Tips Especially for My Fellow Canadians

This is the second in my three part "The Dull Co-Worker Cruise Tips" articles which I was inspired to write based on last week's cruise experience. In this post, I try to inpart some wisdom to my fellow Canadians which may or may not be helpful to those readers from other parts of the globe:

• On a cruise, lines may mean nothing. I’ve experienced on more than one occasion where most passengers follow social etiquette and stand in line to get food but then, another passenger or two will walk right past the line to the counter and get served immediately. It’s interesting because no one seems to confront these line jumpers…likely that’s because the line is full of other Canadians who would just apologize for being in the person’s way in the first place. My tip here for my fellow Canadians: do not apologize in this situation for heaven’s sake. I know we have a habit of apologizing for no reason at all so try your best to quash that instinct. Just be your laid back self and do absolutely nothing but wait until you are called upon.
  


• Be prepared that you will find very limited hockey news on the ship. The ship will carry ESPN (the sports network) and will report on everything but the hockey scores. Even though there are over 25 NHL hockey teams in the USA, there’s barely any hockey news to be found on the TV. Does Canada sell a patch to help their hockey fans handle a week without hockey news? Perhaps this is something that could be sold at Tim Horton’s (our unofficial national coffee & donut shop).
  
  


• If you are a Canadian, others will identify you as a Canadian soon after you speak. Apparently, we say “eh” after most sentences and we may not even realize this. At least we’re self-deprecating and can easily make fun of this trait, eh?
  


• You will meet people who know nothing about your country. Be gracious when answering questions. Especially if you are Canadian and another passenger has visited Vancouver which they believe to be right next to Toronto. Or, they may believe we have snow year round and we all speak French. Also, don’t be surprised if they are offended by our free health care which some may tell you is a symbol of communism????

The Love Boat Sails On

As I mentioned in my Love Boat post a few months ago, I used to work on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. Now I am fortunate enough to sail on one as a passenger. It’s a nice way to revive my soul after the ultra labour intensive office work (i.e. sitting on a cushioned chair and typing on a computer…don’t try this at home kids) I do in my real life.

In my other post, I listed some questions cruise ship passengers should never ask the cruise staff while onboard. This week, I will post a series of articles which will provide additional cruise information you may want to be aware of before embarking on this type of journey.

• This is the most important tip ever so if you remember nothing else, remember this: DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT get in the way of other passengers and their food. Passengers are like crazed animals that have never seen food before if they are in an area where food is being served. You must be like the US government and be in a state of constant high alert (code red…or is it orange?) so that you are not trampled. People get very angry with you if you somehow interfere with them getting food quickly so take note of this when in the buffet area or by the pool where they serve French fries and hamburgers.

• Be prepared to meet some fellow passengers who have very cool jobs which will make your office job seem even more dull than usual.
  
  There’s one passenger who I continually ran into on the islands who is a host of a travel show in the US. Her job this week is to tape her cruise ship experiences and update the pictures and video to Twitter and Facebook. Sign me up for that gig. I can tape my snorkeling in Dominica or beaching experience on St Kitts with the monkeys. Why on earth has my insurance company not asked me to do this?
  
  Instead I work away at designing a training program which involves explaining in pain staking detail the subtle nuances of a calculator used to assess the proper value of a commercial building (and by “commercial building” I do not mean a building that is used to film television commercials…it’s even more lackluster than that if you can believe it).
  
  On the way home from the cruise, I met a couple of men in the airport who had pretty interesting jobs. One was a stand-up comedian (I prefer to sit which is why I never made it as a stand-up comic). The other man was a teacher of theatrical stage sword fighting. Who knew this was a job? I should have got his contact information. Sword fighting could give a whole new meaning to the liability training seminars I run.
  
  
• If travelling with the aforementioned TV personality, be aware that your beach experiences and by beach experiences I mean those times you are basically-naked-in-your-bikini-which-you-thought-no-one-back-home-would-see-you-in, is being videotaped and will air in Texas and be posted on the internet. Great (please note the sarcasm in my voice when I write “great”).
  
  
  
• Any diva like tendencies that you had before the cruise will be significantly magnified when you return from the cruise. Upon your return, every minor task is daunting. Things like making yourself look even semi-presentable, making meals and driving your car seem like climbing Mount Everest. A trip to the grocery store is almost unfathomable because of the sheer intensity of effort that’s required.
  
  This is because your cruise life is a fantasy world and your real life is likely not. It is easy to become accustomed to people serving you fabulous meals and looking happy to see you, having your cabin cleaned twice a day and receiving chocolates on your pillow before you go to bed (note: do not sit on the chocolates when wearing white pants!).
  
  On the cruise, my main concerns were the following: what bathing suit to wear, am I wearing enough suntan lotion and what food will I eat because there’s so much to choose from. Life was simple because many people were doing things for me.
  
  Today my concern is, how will I stay warm and cope with the frigid temperatures for the next 3 – 4 months, what food will I eat as I have nothing in the house, and is it really necessary to wear makeup, comb my hair and put on non-wrinkled clothes when I leave my house?Is there not a group of people to help me with all of this? Maybe there's some sort of I'm-a-diva-who-went-on-a-cruise-and-now-can't-cope-with-the-basic-activities-of-daily-living support group I can go to.