I have something to confess. The Dull Co-Worker hasn’t always had a “dull” job. Back in the 90’s she used to work on a cruise ship.
While it sounds like a dream job, truthfully, I barely made it through my six month contract. My job was a Purser (note: this has nothing to do with co-coordinating handbags with ladies outfits). This is similar to working at the front desk of hotel but with a few other things thrown in: handling cabin changes, exchanging money, cashing traveller’s cheques, handling lost luggage (by this I mean, breaking it to the passengers while we’re out at sea on the first night of the cruise that the airline lost their luggage; then being yelled at by the passenger for this mishap and for the poor seating arrangements on their flight – because it’s clear I orchestrated the whole ordeal and I did it on purpose…clearly), counting the casino winnings at the end of the cruise and assisting with customs and immigration.
In theory, it sounds like a pretty good gig. After all, I didn’t have to pay for food, rent and I had my cabin cleaned twice a day. I got to see beautiful scenery and occasionally even make it off the ship to visit these idyllic destinations.
One of the downfalls was sharing the cabin (which was the size of a walk in closet) with my co-worker and her boyfriend; working about 70 hours a week with not one day off in six months; having to follow what I call “stupid” rules like not being able to carry a bottle of water with me when walking in passenger areas for fear passengers would see me with it (God only knows what people would think of the cruise staff if they found out they were mere mortals and consumed water like everyone else); another stupid rule I didn’t like was if we were off duty, we had to wear our name tag on our bikini so that passengers would know we were staff…seriously..a name tag on my bikini???
What I found the most challenging was taking the complaints and answering the following bizarre questions without showing any hint of disgust. Here are some of the questions that I received on a regular basis which made me wonder how on earth these people survive in their everyday life:
1.“What time is the midnight buffet?”
2. "What time to do the waves stop?” Note: after having many passengers show anger towards me because I didn’t know the answer to that question, I started responding “At two o’clock ocean time.” None of the passengers ever clued in that there’s no such thing as “ocean time.”
3. “Tell the Captain to drive better. It’s too wavy and I paid a lot of money for this cruise! “ Yes, because a Greek shipping officer will listen to some twenty something Canadian girl when she gives him suggestions on improving his navigation skills.
4. “Do these elevators go up AND down?” I’m not making this up.
5. “Does the crew sleep on board?” Where else would we sleep? In the ocean?
6. “Do I have to go to the mandatory boat drill?”
7. On a day at sea: “What time will the mail be picked up today?”
8. On the third day of a four day cruise in the Bahamas: “If I mail my postcard today, and I live in L.A., will it make it home before I do?”
9. When completing a custom’s declaration form: “What do I put under ‘name and address’?”
10. “What do I do when the phone in my cabin rings?”
11. “When I walked into my cabin, the phone was ringing. Do you know who was calling me?”
12. “How much does it cost to call another cabin?” My favourite response given facetiously by a co-worker: “If the cabin is close to yours, it’s a local call and there’s no charge. But if you’re at the front of the ship and the cabin you’re calling is at the back, it’s considered long distance.”
So there you have it folks. Life wasn’t dull but it wasn’t the Love Boat either. I wonder if Gopher felt the same?
While it sounds like a dream job, truthfully, I barely made it through my six month contract. My job was a Purser (note: this has nothing to do with co-coordinating handbags with ladies outfits). This is similar to working at the front desk of hotel but with a few other things thrown in: handling cabin changes, exchanging money, cashing traveller’s cheques, handling lost luggage (by this I mean, breaking it to the passengers while we’re out at sea on the first night of the cruise that the airline lost their luggage; then being yelled at by the passenger for this mishap and for the poor seating arrangements on their flight – because it’s clear I orchestrated the whole ordeal and I did it on purpose…clearly), counting the casino winnings at the end of the cruise and assisting with customs and immigration.
In theory, it sounds like a pretty good gig. After all, I didn’t have to pay for food, rent and I had my cabin cleaned twice a day. I got to see beautiful scenery and occasionally even make it off the ship to visit these idyllic destinations.
One of the downfalls was sharing the cabin (which was the size of a walk in closet) with my co-worker and her boyfriend; working about 70 hours a week with not one day off in six months; having to follow what I call “stupid” rules like not being able to carry a bottle of water with me when walking in passenger areas for fear passengers would see me with it (God only knows what people would think of the cruise staff if they found out they were mere mortals and consumed water like everyone else); another stupid rule I didn’t like was if we were off duty, we had to wear our name tag on our bikini so that passengers would know we were staff…seriously..a name tag on my bikini???
What I found the most challenging was taking the complaints and answering the following bizarre questions without showing any hint of disgust. Here are some of the questions that I received on a regular basis which made me wonder how on earth these people survive in their everyday life:
1.“What time is the midnight buffet?”
2. "What time to do the waves stop?” Note: after having many passengers show anger towards me because I didn’t know the answer to that question, I started responding “At two o’clock ocean time.” None of the passengers ever clued in that there’s no such thing as “ocean time.”
3. “Tell the Captain to drive better. It’s too wavy and I paid a lot of money for this cruise! “ Yes, because a Greek shipping officer will listen to some twenty something Canadian girl when she gives him suggestions on improving his navigation skills.
4. “Do these elevators go up AND down?” I’m not making this up.
5. “Does the crew sleep on board?” Where else would we sleep? In the ocean?
6. “Do I have to go to the mandatory boat drill?”
7. On a day at sea: “What time will the mail be picked up today?”
8. On the third day of a four day cruise in the Bahamas: “If I mail my postcard today, and I live in L.A., will it make it home before I do?”
9. When completing a custom’s declaration form: “What do I put under ‘name and address’?”
10. “What do I do when the phone in my cabin rings?”
11. “When I walked into my cabin, the phone was ringing. Do you know who was calling me?”
12. “How much does it cost to call another cabin?” My favourite response given facetiously by a co-worker: “If the cabin is close to yours, it’s a local call and there’s no charge. But if you’re at the front of the ship and the cabin you’re calling is at the back, it’s considered long distance.”
So there you have it folks. Life wasn’t dull but it wasn’t the Love Boat either. I wonder if Gopher felt the same?
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