Warning Labels For Insurance Emails?

One of the things which I find amusing is the confidentiality warning paragraphs companies put on the bottom of their emails. Here’s an example:

Confidentiality Warning: This message and any attachments transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the individual(s) or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this email in error please delete this message and any attachments. If you are not the intended recipient, you are notified that any review, retransmission, conversion to hard copy, copying, circulation or other use of this message and any attachments is strictly prohibited.

The information in this email is confidential and may be privileged. It is intended solely for the addressee. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it is prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify us immediately by calling....blah, blah, blah.

In the case of insurance, I think this verbiage should be changed to a warning label. You know, like the ones found on medication that warn about the harmful and sometimes lethal side-effects of the drugs.

It should warn people that by receiving the message from the intended recipient and by actually reading the contents you may experience: boredom; depression; lethargy; spontaneous sleepiness; excruciating dissatisfaction with your life; anxiety because you’re really not sure how you can quit your job and still afford to live; the desire to eat chocolate; the desire to run away and never come back; and, racing thoughts of how you could possibly slip out of the office, go the liquor store, consume copious quantities of wine, and return to your desk without anyone noticing.

It also says the information “may be privileged”. Really? Like it’s a privilege to receive these boring emails and actually have to read them? Like that should make me feel good??? What a privilege indeed to read about the subtle nuances of the Ontario garage automobile policy.

What I find mystifying is the part which warns you are not to circulate the email if you are not the intended recipient. Why would you want to circulate that type of email if it wasn’t for you and you received it in error? I guess there’s always the possibility you could use it as hate mail to send to someone you don’t like.

For example, if some guy indicates he would like to go out with you, you give him your number but then he doesn’t call you, you could forward this insurance email as a passive-aggressive way of letting him know he is a you-know-what. Note: this is extreme! You would really have to be ticked with a man to send him this type of email!

Sending an unintended recipient an email laden with insurance content is on the same level as giving someone the finger. Too bad you couldn’t do that when driving and someone cuts you off. If only there was some way in which you knew the driver’s email address.

You could then say “Screw you buddy...I’m forwarding you the wordings for the Gross Rentals with Actual Loss Sustained endorsement as soon as I get to work! “ or “Thanks for not signalling you moron! I have policy wording on fungi and fungal derivatives I’m going to email you. That will show you!”

Now if people did that, I think there would be many more good drivers on the roads. After all, who would want to risk being an “unintended recipient” of this type of email?

So there you have it folks. A very clear solution to North America’s driving problems.