Looking For a Promising New Career?

Question: What do you do when you work in the insurance industry and you’re bored?

 Answer: You come up with an idea to start a competing insurance company!

 Idea (please don’t take it because it’s really good and I know you’ll want to take but please don’t):

 Start a Canadian Insurance company called Neutral Mutual Insurance (NMI) with a tag line “Say that 10 times fast!” WOW! Pretty powerful! Isn’t it?

 I would love to take credit for this brilliant idea but I can’t. My life manager is the genius behind this epic idea!

The Neutral Mutual Mission: To provide insurance solutions through our regressive ideas.

Why would we choose this strategy? So many companies are bragging they are “paperless.” In reality, these “paperless” companies create TONS of paper! Who actually believes any company is paperless...please! Give people some credit! Anyways, the Neutral Mutual Insurance Company (of which I am the VP of Human Resources) is PRO paper! We use paper and we are proud of it! In fact, we don’t use computers. We are old school. We have old fashioned values and regressive ideas! We type on a typewriter. We write memos and carbon paper!!

While most insurance companies give their insured’s policy wordings which are pages long and very boring to read (have you read yours for your home, auto or business policy?), at Neutral Mutual, we’ve decided to do away with such things. Instead of policy wordings, we are going to have policy words!  Another fab idea from our CEO!

 

Policy words like cat, house or mafia. Those are words that our company will give to our insureds instead of policy wordings describing what the insurance covers (that is SO overdone!). We will all have actual dictionaries on our desks in case we run out of words!  I know what you’re thinking....it’s AWESOME (hey, that could be one of our policy words!).  

 
If you are looking for a new job, consider joining this promising new venture! As I said, the job of CEO and VP or HR is already taken. We also have a Director of Regression (DOR). Most companies have people in charge of innovation. We are going backwards! Let’s regress! Why move forward just because it’s popular! Let’s pave a new path! Anyways, that job is taken as is the job of Secretary.

 So if you are looking for a promising new career, look no further. Apply to Neutral Mutual today by emailing NeutralMutualInsurance(SayThatTenTimesFast)@IamsoboredatworkthatIcomeupwiththesecrazyideas.com. Your future has never looked so backwards.

The Next Carly Rae????

One of the things I like to do when I’m bored at work is fantasize about really cool jobs I’d like to have. Because I’m a bit of a chatterbox, I have the tendency to do my daydreaming out loud (DOL). WARNING: This can get you into trouble when you’re at work!

When I went for my performance review awhile back, my manager told me that although I was doing a fine job, she was concerned about comments that I make and the impact that this could have on my co-workers. After all, “perception is reality.” She made it clear that she does not like it when I try to inject comedic moments into the dullness of the day by alluding to other jobs. For example, one day I jokingly told my co-workers that I was going to be the next Carly Rae Jepsen (of “Call Me Maybe” fame). This a) clearly will happen one day (have I mentioned I’m in my 40’s and can’t sing?)  and b) alert my co-workers to the fact that there are other jobs in world besides working at my insurance company.

My manager was rightly afraid that by me sharing my aspirations of becoming a pop star, my colleagues would quit and actually pursue their dreams (as if there would be no other possible reason to quit a company that doesn’t pay very well, doesn’t appreciate their employees and is in the insurance industry...the CANADIAN insurance industry...not even the AMERICAN insurance industry...translation: our industry is less alluring and intoxicating then that of our neighbours).

I was also asked not to mention my other dream jobs. For example, one hot summer afternoon I casually mentioned I’d love to have a job on a tropical beach...maybe selling jewellery. This was clearly an offensive remark (for obvious reasons). I was also banned from any discussions about starting a company called StarTrucks (I came up with this idea because I love Starbucks...I thought it would be cool to have a truck that drives around to businesses selling StarBucks coffee and food). This too was offensive (note: I’m pretty sure this has something to do with the fact my manager does not like Starbucks coffee and prefers Tim Hortons).

Basically, my company does not want me or others to have any other goals in life except working for my company. And, if my company does not want me to have any other dreams except for working for them for the next 23 years until I retire, well then that is exactly what I will do.

Since getting my verbal warning, I have ceased to mention all dream jobs when at work. In fact, the other day when a catchy Jennifer Lopez song came on the radio, I didn’t mention to my co-workers that I am the next JLo. I didn’t want to discourage them. They are young... in their 20’s and 30’s. I want them to be happy and not give them the impression that there are other jobs in the world. I want them to work at this insurance company for the next 30 or 40 years. If that is what my company wants for them, then that is what I want for them. And I also want them to buy my albums  J

Note: This blog post is fully supported by both Carly Rae and Jennifer Lopez.

Great Whimsical Work Idea #1479

Today’s post is my 1479^th great work idea (notice how I never shared with you my 1478 other great work ideas? Pretty nifty, don’t you think?).

 
Jazz up a dull work day by cleaning your desk. Now I know at first this may seem boring. Or maybe you’re one of those really neat and organized people that don’t have any clutter at your desk so there’s nothing to clean. If that’s you, you’re reading the wrong blog. I’m talking right now to the people who should have cleaned their desk years ago (i.e. people like me).
 

Anyways, I digress. A fun way to clean your desk is to use the interoffice mail system of your company to mail unknowing co-workers the stuff you don’t want. For example, I have sent old 2010 and 2011 calendars to co-workers (for some reason they always figure out it’s me sending these to them). Scrap paper that you’re holding onto is another treasure for someone in your workplace.

Maybe the co-worker(s) you send this stuff to don’t get any mail so this is something that would get them excited (until they open it) and add some whimsy to their day (let’s be real…whimsy can be hard to come by in today’s fast-paced, high-stress office environment).

 
My suggestions are just the tip of the iceberg. Unleash your creativity people! Don’t let your senses be dulled by the drugs your company puts in the air vent (see my expose on this subject:  Drugs in the Air Vents  ). THINK! For once just stop doing what you are told and think of how you can brighten someone else’s day AND clean your desk.

I must go now. There’s a Remembrance Day poppy and plastic mouse on my desk I need to put in the mail.

WTF: The Perfect Notepad

Bewildered? Frustrated? Need a way to express your exasperation with those you work with?

Check out this nifty notepad, perfect not just for the office but for your family, friends and strangers!

Available at Chapter's while supplies last.

Lionel Ritchie: In The Office?

When you think office decor, your first thought is likely "how can I integrate pictures of Lionel Ritchie into my work space?"

Consider using a picture like this on your office wall or even in one of your work meeting rooms to captivate the attention of your colleagues.

By the way, I am not making fun of Lionel Ritchie at all. I am simply saying from the experience of having this at my desk, it is a great conversation starter. For example, if someone comes to your desk because they're going to ask you to do something, they may become distracted by this picture. They may stop mid-sentence and say, "why do you have that picture up?"

This is your perfect chance to change the subject. You can talk about how you found the picture on this super cool blog (note: I am talking about this blog). You can talk about how you love Lionel Ritchie. You can talk about how you like his hair in this picture. You can start singing "Dancing on the Ceiling" and see if a Glee-like spirit takes over your office area and everyone starts singing and dancing along (note: I would seriously be so jealous if this happened to you...seriously).

Hopefully through the art of distraction, your co-worker will leave feeling confused and will forget what they were going to ask you to do! Give it a try. What do you really have to lose?

Janitorial Supply Catalogue - A Way to Liven Up Your Work Day

What could make your day at work better, than to receive this beautiful shipping supply specialist magazine FEATURING Janitorial supplies?! My colleague is so nice. She has decided to give me a page from this catalogue every day as a product of the day.

So, if your work day is dull, why not do something similar? You could send random janitorial supply product pages in interoffice mail (without indicating who it's from) to people that you work with or that you don't know. Try it and see if that doesn't at least somewhat liven up your day.

Note: this is in no way meant to be offensive towards those who are interested in janitorial supply service products.

Help To Get Through a Dull Day

Last year, I posted a My Favourite Things article which listed all of my favourite Dull Co-Worker posts (after all, Oprah isn't the only who can have favourite things).


Since it's been awhile, I thought I would share with you some more of my favourite posts in the hopes that they will help you get through a dull day.


Getting Hammered At Work

The Do's & Don'ts of Office Romance

Today's Work Horrorscope

There's No Accounting For Taste

The Best Birthday Gift