Free Motivational Seminars by the DCW

One of the jobs the Dull Co-worker (DCW) is thinking of pursing is becoming a motivational speaker. I already have a list of all the seminars I’m planning on talking about and am proud to announce they will all be free of charge.

Here is my course catalogue:

The Secret: How to Keep the Weight On

Are you tired of being embarrassed by your six-pack abs? Are you ashamed because your body is constantly compared to that of a super model? Do you find it difficult to eat high fat, high calorie snacks because you’re always eating a perfect mix of fruits, vegetables and protein? Do you have a fast metabolism and are constantly described as "skinny" or "thin"? This workshop will unlock the "secret" so you can be more of who you already are!

If you find it difficult to keep weight on your hips, stomach and thighs, worry no more! Your instructor will share with you tips that are guaranteed to keep your Body Mass Index in the “heavy” to “obese” category. You will be taught the six step process of successful snacking on treats brimming with trans-fats and calories. You will be guided on how to stop eating just when you're hungry and learn the benefits of eating when you're already full. Strategies will also be shared on how to eat when you're frustrated, bitter, angry and sad.

Weight gain is guaranteed or your money back!

How to Develop Low Self-Esteem

Is your self-esteem too high? Many people struggle with loving themselves too much. In this session, you will learn several tools and approaches which you can use to decrease your self-image so you can think less of yourself.

By the end of this session, you will be able to:

• Let people walk all over you in the workplace and your personal life
• Say “yes” to every request by every person you meet and feel incredible guilt if you ever do say “no”
• Harshly criticize your body
• Compare yourself to others who are on TV, in the movies and in magazines in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself
• Increasingly think thoughts that will lead you to feel depressed and hopeless about yourself and your life
• Utlize passive-aggressive behaviour in most relationships and situations

Living the Lazy Life: Your Guide to a Below Par Existence!

Are you too active? Are you always running, playing sports, or going to the gym and never finding time to sit for hours and do absolutely nothing?

In this session you will:

• Learn the secrets to unlock the lethargy and laziness within
• Learn how to say “no” to the gym and say “yes” to the high blood pressure, poor circulation and plethora of diseases that come with a sedentary lifestyle
• Understand the importance of hours of watching TV, movies and surfing the internet
• Learn how to minimize your walking and all other exercise throughout the day to keep your activity level low

As an added bonus, your clothes may even become tighter prompting you to have to buy larger clothes! Space is limited so sign up today!

Imperfection is Perfect: Finding Your Inadequate Partner

Are you tired of finding love with wonderful people? Are you searching for that one perfect person who will annoy you like no other? So many people are stuck in relationships filled with love, kindness, respect and zero conflict. Take heart, there are others out there suffering just like you. They too are looking for someone to make them feel hate and repulsion they didn’t think was possible.

In this seminar, we will scientifically match you with people who are totally incompatible with you and with whom you have nothing in common. This matching model is based on absolutely no research and has proven to be 100% successful. Be lonely no more. Be miserable with someone else forever.