Mice at Work

You know you’re in need of an intervention when you voluntarily join the Ontario Insurance Network group on Linked In. I am delving deeper into dullness for sure. Anyways, to combat this, I’ve fortunately found some fodder for today’s post on workplace art. And what better source of workplace art than our company’s lunchroom refrigerator. Take a gander at this! You can see by reading the article, some companies need to start sending out emails like mine did warning employees not to keep food around.

Otherwise, they will have a situation like this...

Blogging Ideas

I read an article the other day where the author shared ideas people could use for their blog posts. This may help me cut down on my posts about Charlie Sheen.

So, for the next while I’m going to be doing a series where I share my thoughts on this blogging article. Yes…it’s true….this will be riveting.

Blogging Ideas to increase posting frequency:

1. News – The latest news in your industry

Being a work satirist, the "industry" I specialize in is work. The latest news is that most people don’t like going to work and if given the opportunity (e.g. winning the lottery) would not go. That is the latest breaking news. I'm being serious.

Other news is that some employers treat their employees improperly and crush their spirits to the point the employee, who once was hard working & enthusiastic, wants to quit so they can work where they are appreciated and compensated appropriately.

2. Reviews: On books or products pertaining to your market

I should do a book review and I will work on that. I should also review work products like staplers, pens, Post-it notes and tape. Watch for future posts on those as well!

3. Predict industry trends

My prediction is that work will continue to exist and the vast majority of the population will have to work for a living.

I also predict that some workers will continue to have their senses dulled by the drugs that companies put through the air vents that end up causing apathy and lethargy so that employees never leave.

4. Write about the historical changes in your industry

The history of work is that it’s existed for a long time (this is true and if you don't believe me, check Wikipedia). In North America, we seem to work more than our friends in other parts of the world (translation: we’re stupid).

5. Define terms that people new to your industry may not understand

Computer = a device to used for work purposes and not for writing a blog or surfing the internet for updates on the latest Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen escapades

Pen = an instrument used to record work related thoughts, ideas, or notes in meetings to show you’re hardworking and that you “care” about what is being discussed; these instruments are NOT to be used to gouge your eyes out when your work is driving you crazy and you can’t take it anymore.

Is Charlie Losing His Sheen?

I have to point out right away that the title of today’s post has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about...sorry, I just wanted to use that title. One day when you have your own blog you too can write anything you want...it's quite enjoyable actually.

Anyways, I was contemplating how Charlie has made the word WINNING popular. I have my own catch phrase which can be used at work: WHINING!

It seems to fit scenarios where one thinks the following thoughts: "when will this meeting be over?", "why am I even in this meeting?", "why do I work here?", "why is this technical person talking about Java and they aren't even referring to coffee?", "why don't we have a milk steamer and cappuccino maker here at work...I can't believe I'm forced to work under such conditions!", "why is getting a physical at the doctor's less dreadful than coming here to work every day?"

Maybe I should apply to be Charlie’s intern after all…now THAT would be WINNING!

Happy Friday

As I've done in the past, I want to post a "pretty" work place picture that is totally WINNING!

If you have any beautiful work place art you'd like to send in for me to post, please email thedullcoworker@gmail.com.

Happy Friday!

Spoiler Alert! Top Secret Bachelorette News!

I’m not sure if you’ve heard the news that the new Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert, was just announced the other day. What ABC didn’t reveal is this: I, the Dull Co-Worker, was being considered for the show. Instead of having someone glamorous on the show, they were going to go with the opposite - having someone dull.

Apparently someone from ABC had been reading my blog and was intrigued with how I’m trying to make working in insurance cool, I have big calves that prevent my boots from zipping up, and how I wrote an email to the Dairy Board of Canada complaining about the hard to open milk carton containers (update on that saga: no response yet from the Dairy Board…what is up with that? What could they possibly be so busy doing that they can’t respond to this inquiry? They don’t fix the stupid containers which have been the same since the 70’s so I’m not sure how they don’t have time to respond to me?????).

They were also impressed by my empire strategy (this involves me becoming friends with Oprah and establishing a similar empire) and me starting my own clothing and fragrance line specifically targeted to those workers who want to look and smell dull and dreary.

I do wish Ashley the best of luck being the Bachelorette. I am sure she’ll do a wonderful job. Meanwhile I will continue to give my life toiling alongside the people trapped in insurance Canada….come to think about it, that would be a great idea for my own reality show…."Insurance Canada: Something This Boring Has Got To Be On TV”…now that’s a catchy name…watch out ABC!

Colander of Excellence

It's not uncommon to have hard work go unnoticed in the workplace. Sometimes, the "wrong" person is recognized causing a tide of ill-will and possibly even passive aggressiveness. Sound familiar?

To combat this very scenario, one of my readers and his colleagues took matters into their own hands. Apparently, their company rewarded their organization's "Cup of Excellence" to someone the employees felt was undeserving.

To rectify this situation, they created this trophy and presented it to the individual they felt deserved to be recognized for plugging the holes: a Colander of Excellence! Well done!

Recognition: having your moment in the sun isn't always a good thing

Charlie Sheen Rips Into Co-workers

So apparently, a lot of people are searching for this Charlie Sheen info (Sheen rips into co-workers) on Google and are lead to my blog instead.

Alert! My blog is about my dull work life! Warning: you could be very disappointed reading it.

Today, instead of reading of the dullness of my work day and instead of reading about Sheen ripping into his co-workers, I thought I'd share some of Sheen's Winning Recipes. Just click on this link: WINNING!

NOx+NMHC Limits, Filters & Flying Squirrels

Interesting phrases I read today at work (who says insurance is boring?)…don’t ask me what they mean…

“As with the US EPA, there are two options for NOx+NMHC limits and tighter standards for urban busses." Well that's obvious!

“Are solvent filters in machines changed regularly, and lint and filter residue disposed of in covered containers, preferably outside the building?” What I love about this line is the use of the term “filter residue” and “solvent”. Put them together and it’s a powerful, soul-altering sentence which strikes a universal chord.

“Are any animals rare or exotic such as flying squirrels and other exotic mammals?” Where does one purchase one of these mammals? And where would one keep it? In a cage so it doesn’t fly around the house? There's nothing worse than running around your house like a lunatic trying to catch your flying squirrel.

Workplace Crafts!

Do you remember when you had craft time or art class when you were a kid in school? Those were good times where you could let your creativity flow.

Martha Stewart would agree that we all need to do more crafts in our lives. And why not do that on company time and turn scrap paper into gifts of love for your co-workers.


1. Take a few pieces of scrap paper.
2. Rip it unevenly into four pieces.
3. Put the ripped paper together in a stack.
4. Staple it.


5. Write motivational sayings on each of the pieces (example: Be the Breeze, Team Sheen Forever! Earn Yourself!).

6. Give to your colleagues for Christmas, Easter, birthdays or random occasions.

WINNING!

New Highs & Lows

This week was one of highs and lows (actually just one high and one low but it sounds better to write "highs" and "lows" don't you think?).

First of all, I was super jazzed because I finally got the OWN Network! I even bought a big "O" necklace to commemorate this (note: it's really just a long necklace that is circular at the bottom but to me this symbolizes Oprah). My favourite show so far is where it follows Oprah and her team while they prepare for her talk show. It gives us fans an inside look on how a show is put together.

I have to admit, after watching a few episodes, I do find that Oprah scares me sometimes (note: I scare easily) when she doesn't like something. Maybe I won't work for her after all. Maybe we'll just be friends one day. Yes. That's it. Just friends. Just like her and Gayle!

So that was the high point of my week. The low point came the other night when I VOLUNTARILY attended an insurance brokers dinner to listen to a president of an insurance company talk about what is happening in the insurance industry.

So let me be clear. I worked all day and then in my spare time I CHOSE to attend a work function where insurance matters were being discussed. This is alarming. What is going on? Why would I choose this? What is happening to me? I am as in need of an intervention as Charlie Sheen.

Today's Work Horrorscope

On the astrological calendar, today is a very special day. No matter what your sign, all horrorscopes are the same due to the moon and Jupiter, your lucky planetary ruler, hitting your work sector.

Today, will be another stellar experience but you will encounter some challenges. Malarkey will govern your early working hours so pay close attention to ensure you don't spill your coffee. You will experience a situation where someone at work does or says something incredibly stupid and their incompetence affects you.

You will have some sort of computer or even a printer problem that will frustrate you. You'll have to call your IT department who will explain how to fix the problem in a language you don't understand (i.e. technical jargon that makes no sense to common folk). You'll be in a "required" meeting which will seem like a colossal waste of time.

Fortunately, because Saturn is aligning with Taurus (you know what that means!), you will be experiencing great abundance in the paper department. More people than ever will be dropping off paperwork at your desk which you can use to maintain the "I do so much work" image.

Also, all attempts to effectively communicate with those around you will be stymied by passive-aggressiveness but you will overcome this on the drive home from work as you display outright aggressiveness towards other drivers.

Finally, if today is your birthday, know that you share it with such esteemed celebrities as Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and Snooki.