2 + 2 = 5?

I used to be smarter in high school...that was back in the 80’s. Working in insurance has dulled my senses and abilities so that my mental faculties seem like a distant memory.

Case in point, my friend today asked me to do the following multiplication without using a calculator. Get out a piece of paper and pen and see if you can do this:

54.29
X .13

I think they taught us how to do this type of math in elementary school yet now I can't figure it out without using a calculator. I think it's because I rarely use the logical side of my brain at work (if you've been reading my blog for awhile, this doesn't come as a surprise). Simple math is now challenging for me.


Other things are challenging for me as well such as opening a milk carton (update: it's been one week and the Dairy Board of Canada has not responded to my email regarding the poor quality milk carton openings...they obviously have poor customer service as well..I will keep you posted as soon as I receive a repsonse).


When I was young, I remember I was sure I'd do great things with my life. The harsh reality is that I struggle to get a volunteer position. After writing my Unwanted Volunteer post, I was motivated to once more try volunteering...and again I met with the dreaded feeling that comes when one's offer for free work is rejected.

On the plus side, I am experiencing more days where I can zip up my high boots. For those who have been following my calf chronicles, you read with intrigue that I had been unable to zip up my high boots because my calves are too big. Well, I can happily report that finally my calves appear to be lengthening and shrinking...perfect!


Also, information is flooding in from readers trying to help me with this predicament. Apparently there is an insert that one can use to make the boots wider. This sounds amazing! And, my hairdresser told me there are websites where one can purchase wide boots....for $300. If you want to donate money to my Big-Calf-High-Boot Fund, I encourage you to do so.


In short, sometimes I feel my life is a sit-com. I wonder if anyone is filming it? And if so, I hope my ratings are at least as high as Jersey Shores.

The Perfect Desk

Now this is how a desk should look. Forget neat and tidy....this desk clearly gives the impression "I'm so busy" not to mention being dynamic, chic and poetic.

I adore the empty coffee cups (note: they actually contain cold coffee!).

The empty Kleenex box makes a great modern paperweight!

Milk It For All It's Worth

Now that I'm done the cleanse, I'm back on the dairy. One of the things that drives me mad though is opening milk cartons. Or should I say struggling to open milk cartons. Am I the only one who struggles with this?

Why do they have to use super-strength glue? Are these the same people who make the impenetrable plastic that protects the hotel room soap (for more on this, see my November 16th blog)?

In order to save my fellow man from this plight, I just sent the following email to the Dairy Board of Canada:

Dear Dairy Board of Canada,

I am a big fan of your product, however, I do have a grievance. Why is the glue on the cartons of milk so strong that it's difficult to open the carton? Why after all these years and all the available technology in the world can you not come up with milk cartons that are easier to open?

It is frustrating sometimes and I don't understand why it has to be this way. Are there any plans on changing the packaging in the near future or should I just switch to soy milk? The soy milk manufacturers really have great packaging for their product.

Thank you so much for your consideration of this matter.


To be continued....

Who Needs a Library Card?

Who needs a library card when you have a world of poignant literary classics at work...

You can't help but see the intrigue, drama and possibly even romance in these work place manuals...

Big-Calf-High-Boot Update

If you read my blog from the other week (Big Calves & High Boots Don't Mix), I'm sure you're dying to know what has transpired in this area of my life (I guess what I'm assuming is that your life is as dull as mine...sorry about that).

Well, it seems like not even my best friend realized the gravity of this situation. Because the picture I included in the blog had a picture of me wearing pants and not being able to zip up my boots, she thought I only encountered this problem when wearing jeans or pants.


Truth be told, I should have been more clear. I encounter this problem of not being able to zip up my high boots even on my bare skin! Yes! It's true! I'm embarrassed and frustrated by my big calves. It's not fair I'm not one of those skinny calved women. I work out, try to eat right and yet nothing I do can make my calves smaller. Why???

I also want to mention how I was fascinated by the popularity of that post. Perhaps others out there are experiencing the same thing. Maybe they are moved by my shocking disclosure about this highly-sensitive-yet-severly-underpublicized-due-to-excessive-Kim-Kardashian-coverage issue. I can only hope this message reverberates around the globe and boot companies everywhere make wider boots....then we can all zip up a little easier.

The Unwanted Volunteer

I don't know what the deal is with all the places I've offered to volunteer at in the past few years. I've been rejected from at least four different organizations that have expressed a need for volunteers.

I've tried for years to assist at some of these non-profit organizations (I'm persistent!) and they tell me that my help is not needed (they lie because I hear radio ads for some of them saying they need help).

Or they say they will contact me in the "future"and the "future" never seems to come. This sounds suspiciously like the men who've said to me "Let's get together sometime. I'll call you." But the call doesn't come. Perhaps these non-profit organizations think I'm trying to get a date. Maybe they think I'm confusing their organization with eHarmony. Could that be the problem?

I know what you're thinking. It's me. It's not them, it's me. Could this have something to do with my unusually big calves and my boots that don't zip up? Seriously people, what does this say about me? Do you know how hard it is on one's self-esteem when no one wants your help and you're offering your time and effort for free...they're not even paying you. It's tough being repeatedly rejected like this.

Maybe I'll seek counselling from a therapist to help sort this out. Or maybe I'll just show up at their organization and help anyways. Or maybe I'll just sit on the couch and watch Oprah while eating gluten free snacks and bingeing on herbal tea. That will show them!

Survival of the Fittest

One of my dear friends has a blog called Simply Nature where she shares beautiful pictures she's taken of birds, animals, and nature scenes. I was joking with her the other day that I will have an Office Nature segment on my blog. She thought I was kidding...until today!

As luck would have it, my brother-in-law just sent me this picture of two plants that are in his boardroom at work. Office Nature at it's best!

Does this mean his workplace is choking the life out of every living thing? He writes, "I guess in business some survive and some don't. This applies to the plant world as well."

Great observation and great picture (note: this is why it's essential companies give employees BlackBerries...so they can use them to take important pictures like this).

If you have any moving or entrancing work scenes from your office that you'd like to share with the world, get out your iPhone or BlackBerry, snap a picture when no one is looking and send it to thedullcoworker@gmail.com.