My WINNING Work Objectives

I’ve been asked at work to prepare for my performance review by developing my objectives for the year ahead.

This is what I have so far. I know management likes metrics so I put some numbers to it so that it would be more professional and scientific! I don't know if this is what my manager is looking for, nevertheless, this is what I aspire to achieve:

• Obtain a thorough (100%) knowledge of all Billy Ocean lyrics




• Confidently sing above mentioned lyrics when it is played on the old-people's-radio-station that I listen to at work (92.1FM)




• Grow my hair so that it's really long (measure: longer than it is now)




• Increase the percentage of dark chocolate that I consume during the work day when trying to cope with stupidity (i.e. switch from eating 70% dark chocolate to 85% dark chocolate...this is no way a put down on those who enjoy white or milk chocolate)




• Integrate Charlie Sheen references in all (100%) insurance training seminars I deliver




• Buy and wear the Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure t-shirt on casual days and create my own Dull Co-Worker International Pro-Am Fun Run Race For The Cure of People Dying of Boredeom and Unappreciation in the Corporate World Around the Globe t-shirt

The Not So Dull Co-worker

How do you react when you’ve always wanted to change your last name (to something that sounds better) and then you do a Google search and find out the person who has your ideal name has your ideal career as a singer, dancer and actress? Not only that, they are way better looking than you are because they were also a model. This woman can probably write better blog posts than I can too! This is what happened to me the other day. I am being serious. I’m not making this up. I wish I was but I’m not. I was innocently working on my next post when I discovered this!


It’s disheartening because everything I’ve always wished I was, I see this other person has accomplished. I can’t say I was in the movie Chicago. I can’t say I performed in the theatre. I can’t say I did modelling for Guess. Although you folks don’t know me so maybe I could say that. What have I done with my life? I’ll tell you.


My first job after university was working at an apple orchard sorting apples (thank goodness I spent four years and thousands of dollars for that experience). This is not the same as Broadway. Of course I did have my six months of excitement working on a cruise ship (see my Love Boat post for more information on that saga) but that was overshadowed by the inane questions and the fact I worked 8 – 16 hours every day for six months.


I am now working at my third insurance company. Of course I do have this blog chronicling how the corporate world has dulled my senses and personality to the point where I write about the mundane (including how my big calves cause me problems when buying high boots and Charlie Sheen...note: the two are in no way related) while hoping Oprah will one day ask me to work for her. I guess that is something this gorgeous, super talented woman can’t say. That’s priceless!

Why Couldn't My Friday Be This Much Fun?

Not sure if you've seen Rebecca Black's "Friday" video. If not, check it out on You Tube and then check out Stephen Colbert and Jimmy Fallon's version from last night. NOTE: Apparently NBC took down the link after I posted this, but if you click here, you should hopefully be able to see it.

Mice at Work

You know you’re in need of an intervention when you voluntarily join the Ontario Insurance Network group on Linked In. I am delving deeper into dullness for sure. Anyways, to combat this, I’ve fortunately found some fodder for today’s post on workplace art. And what better source of workplace art than our company’s lunchroom refrigerator. Take a gander at this! You can see by reading the article, some companies need to start sending out emails like mine did warning employees not to keep food around.

Otherwise, they will have a situation like this...

Blogging Ideas

I read an article the other day where the author shared ideas people could use for their blog posts. This may help me cut down on my posts about Charlie Sheen.

So, for the next while I’m going to be doing a series where I share my thoughts on this blogging article. Yes…it’s true….this will be riveting.

Blogging Ideas to increase posting frequency:

1. News – The latest news in your industry

Being a work satirist, the "industry" I specialize in is work. The latest news is that most people don’t like going to work and if given the opportunity (e.g. winning the lottery) would not go. That is the latest breaking news. I'm being serious.

Other news is that some employers treat their employees improperly and crush their spirits to the point the employee, who once was hard working & enthusiastic, wants to quit so they can work where they are appreciated and compensated appropriately.

2. Reviews: On books or products pertaining to your market

I should do a book review and I will work on that. I should also review work products like staplers, pens, Post-it notes and tape. Watch for future posts on those as well!

3. Predict industry trends

My prediction is that work will continue to exist and the vast majority of the population will have to work for a living.

I also predict that some workers will continue to have their senses dulled by the drugs that companies put through the air vents that end up causing apathy and lethargy so that employees never leave.

4. Write about the historical changes in your industry

The history of work is that it’s existed for a long time (this is true and if you don't believe me, check Wikipedia). In North America, we seem to work more than our friends in other parts of the world (translation: we’re stupid).

5. Define terms that people new to your industry may not understand

Computer = a device to used for work purposes and not for writing a blog or surfing the internet for updates on the latest Lindsay Lohan or Charlie Sheen escapades

Pen = an instrument used to record work related thoughts, ideas, or notes in meetings to show you’re hardworking and that you “care” about what is being discussed; these instruments are NOT to be used to gouge your eyes out when your work is driving you crazy and you can’t take it anymore.

Is Charlie Losing His Sheen?

I have to point out right away that the title of today’s post has nothing to do with what I'm going to write about...sorry, I just wanted to use that title. One day when you have your own blog you too can write anything you want...it's quite enjoyable actually.

Anyways, I was contemplating how Charlie has made the word WINNING popular. I have my own catch phrase which can be used at work: WHINING!

It seems to fit scenarios where one thinks the following thoughts: "when will this meeting be over?", "why am I even in this meeting?", "why do I work here?", "why is this technical person talking about Java and they aren't even referring to coffee?", "why don't we have a milk steamer and cappuccino maker here at work...I can't believe I'm forced to work under such conditions!", "why is getting a physical at the doctor's less dreadful than coming here to work every day?"

Maybe I should apply to be Charlie’s intern after all…now THAT would be WINNING!

Happy Friday

As I've done in the past, I want to post a "pretty" work place picture that is totally WINNING!

If you have any beautiful work place art you'd like to send in for me to post, please email thedullcoworker@gmail.com.

Happy Friday!