There's No Accounting For Taste...

As I mentioned in my October 2nd post, “Does Your Desk Need a Makeover”, one of my friends at work has a blog on interior design for the home (Hare Styling). Another friend of mine at work has a blog called Simply Nature which is filled with magnificent pictures of landscapes, animals and flowers.

I am often envious of the beauty and striking photos contained in both of these blogs. So, I thought I should share some stunning and elegant photos of the innovative and trendy look of one of our office's workspaces. This is where we keep our accounting department...

My Favourite Work Moments

A brief collection of actual work moments experienced by the Dull Co-Worker (I wish I could say I made these up):

- When someone says your new dress makes you look like you belong on Star Trek. What makes this comment more disturbing is that the person who said this works in I.T. (and I should clearly listen to them because the I.T. department is known for being on the cutting edge of fashion).

(Star Trek dress...not my dress)

- When your company thinks they are doing employees a favour by coming around 5 minutes before you normally leave on the Friday before a long weekend and tell you to all go home early. Thanks.

- When companies do an employee “appreciation” event which requires employees spend a few hours outside in the rain and cold during a Canadian fall. Fun. I feel SO appreciated (note: for those of you who are unaware of the temperatures during a Canadian fall, let's just say it can get rather chilly).

- When a company in an attempt to show employees how much they care about them, give them a no-name treat. Nothing says “I value your service and hard work” like the cheapest version of ice cream/chips/granola bars you can buy. How incredibly motivating!!!!

- When your company listens to the consultant they hired and mandates that all employees must track every minute of their work day including trips to the washroom, phone calls and casual conversations with colleagues. They must then enter that information into an Excel spreadsheet to send to their manager at the end of every day. In case you’re wondering, stop watches were used to track the time and the actual time spent tracking the time is 30 minutes per day.

- When the President of your company thinks it would make a nice Christmas gift to give all staff the book he wrote as a Christmas gift… two years in a row.

- When the President of your company writes ANOTHER book and he decides it would make a nice Christmas gift to give all staff the book as a Christmas present. Do you know what I’m expecting this year for Christmas?

Creating Ineffective Work Relationships

NEW Management Seminar!

Conflict in the workplace is something every organization strives for. It’s an important component of employee well-being, satisfaction and often leads to productivity in the workplace. Many employers struggle with how to create tension and poor relationships in the organization. In this seminar, we will share research and strategies that managers can use to let tension, bitterness and negativity thrive in their organizations.

Participants will learn:

• How to develop initiatives that breed resentment and antagonism amongst employees.
• How to create alliances with a handful of colleagues in order to spread rumours and lies about other co-workers.
• What tactics management can use to turn good, hard-working and dedicated employees into demoralized, apathetic and stressed out individuals who dread coming to work. Particular focus will be given on how to secretly steal their ideas and pass them off as theirs, “reward” them with a miniscule raise, give them an unreasonable amount of work, and withhold all positive feedback.
• What factors strain work relationships and how management can create more of these ineffective relationships. A case study involving a situation where a senior manager openly put down one group of employees in front of another group of employees will be analyzed and discussed.
  
  Register soon as space is limited. Don’t miss your opportunity to discover the power of destructive and conflict-laden work relationships in your organization! Remember, it’s not work if there’s no conflict.

Beautiful and Practical Desk Organization Strategies

Since I published my Oct 2 blog, Does Your Desk Need a Makeover, I have been inundated with readers asking for more information on how to keep a messy and disorganized work space.

Here are a few more tips I can share:

1. Eliminate all desk organizers and file folders. These are huge barriers to a messy desk. Plus filing is tedious and boring just like the rest of your job. Why would you want more of that in your life?
   


2. Keep your letter tray full. Never ever discard documents. Keep items like memos, print-outs and random things in piles on your desk. Not only will this add much needed clutter to your desk, but the extra paper has an added benefit: it will camouflage you so your co-workers will not be able to see you when you’re at the desk. They will just see a huge mess. Avoiding your colleagues means you won’t have to help them with a project or other distasteful , work-related, time wasters.
   


3. Keep all pens that have run out of ink. You don’t need them anymore but that doesn’t mean they should be discarded. Saving them provides a splash of colour and intrigue. Plus, it’s a way for you to remember all the good times you had using them at work. It helps cement those precious work memories deep into your cerebral cortex so when you’re old you can look back at that pen with fondness and relive the “good old days” you had at your desk.
   


4. Keep books, photos, and left over food wrappers on your desk. You’ve likely read other articles which encourage you to hide, minimize or dispose of these items. Let’s dig a little deeper and see what’s really going on here (note: Dr Phil would encourage us to do this). Hiding your books indicates you’re afraid to let people know that you read. This is something to be proud of. Don’t hide that fact. And don’t be ashamed of those photos of your loved ones even though they may not be attractive. Sure you could have done better and married someone hotter but you didn’t. Display those pictures proudly. And for heaven’s sake, having a candy bar wrapper on your desk shows you are really trying to fill your body with enough sugar so you can plow through all that work the company is making you do at your lower-than-industry-standard salary.
   
   So remember, if someone tells says your desk is “messy” they are really saying it’s marvelously mesmerizing :-)

Motivation In the Workplace

My brother–in-law told me about this fantastic website http://www.despair.com/ where you can purchase very cool office accessories like posters, mousepads and calendars. These accessories are meant to demotivate you…similar to what the management of your company does. Please check out this site if you’re looking for a good laugh.

Here are some of my favourites:

Free Motivational Seminars by the DCW

One of the jobs the Dull Co-worker (DCW) is thinking of pursing is becoming a motivational speaker. I already have a list of all the seminars I’m planning on talking about and am proud to announce they will all be free of charge.

Here is my course catalogue:

The Secret: How to Keep the Weight On

Are you tired of being embarrassed by your six-pack abs? Are you ashamed because your body is constantly compared to that of a super model? Do you find it difficult to eat high fat, high calorie snacks because you’re always eating a perfect mix of fruits, vegetables and protein? Do you have a fast metabolism and are constantly described as "skinny" or "thin"? This workshop will unlock the "secret" so you can be more of who you already are!

If you find it difficult to keep weight on your hips, stomach and thighs, worry no more! Your instructor will share with you tips that are guaranteed to keep your Body Mass Index in the “heavy” to “obese” category. You will be taught the six step process of successful snacking on treats brimming with trans-fats and calories. You will be guided on how to stop eating just when you're hungry and learn the benefits of eating when you're already full. Strategies will also be shared on how to eat when you're frustrated, bitter, angry and sad.

Weight gain is guaranteed or your money back!

How to Develop Low Self-Esteem

Is your self-esteem too high? Many people struggle with loving themselves too much. In this session, you will learn several tools and approaches which you can use to decrease your self-image so you can think less of yourself.

By the end of this session, you will be able to:

• Let people walk all over you in the workplace and your personal life
• Say “yes” to every request by every person you meet and feel incredible guilt if you ever do say “no”
• Harshly criticize your body
• Compare yourself to others who are on TV, in the movies and in magazines in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself
• Increasingly think thoughts that will lead you to feel depressed and hopeless about yourself and your life
• Utlize passive-aggressive behaviour in most relationships and situations

Living the Lazy Life: Your Guide to a Below Par Existence!

Are you too active? Are you always running, playing sports, or going to the gym and never finding time to sit for hours and do absolutely nothing?

In this session you will:

• Learn the secrets to unlock the lethargy and laziness within
• Learn how to say “no” to the gym and say “yes” to the high blood pressure, poor circulation and plethora of diseases that come with a sedentary lifestyle
• Understand the importance of hours of watching TV, movies and surfing the internet
• Learn how to minimize your walking and all other exercise throughout the day to keep your activity level low

As an added bonus, your clothes may even become tighter prompting you to have to buy larger clothes! Space is limited so sign up today!

Imperfection is Perfect: Finding Your Inadequate Partner

Are you tired of finding love with wonderful people? Are you searching for that one perfect person who will annoy you like no other? So many people are stuck in relationships filled with love, kindness, respect and zero conflict. Take heart, there are others out there suffering just like you. They too are looking for someone to make them feel hate and repulsion they didn’t think was possible.

In this seminar, we will scientifically match you with people who are totally incompatible with you and with whom you have nothing in common. This matching model is based on absolutely no research and has proven to be 100% successful. Be lonely no more. Be miserable with someone else forever.

Does Your Desk Need a Make Over?

A friend of mine has a blog on home decor, called Hare Styling for the Home. It’s quite popular. Regrettably, her blog contains beautiful pictures of how to enhance your home décor and does not deal with how to add pizzazz to your workspace. Since most people spend approximately eight hours a day at work, the Dull Co-worker thinks it’s important to add some decorating flair to your desk. Let’s take a look at this season’s hottest desk decorating trends!

I do hate to brag, but my desk is a potpourri of style as you can see by the pictures below. Notice the cords and mouse strewn about in a haphazard manner. This creates visual interest for my colleagues as it goes against the typical symmetry and clean, open space of most desks. Like a fine piece of art, my desk leaves people with different impressions. Some might think to themselves: “she’s obviously busy….I should leave her alone. She’s really got it going on. Look, she doesn’t even have time to organize her desk. Impressive! I wish my desk could look like that!”

Colourful Desk Decor Accessories

Another item I’d like to draw attention to is the pile of coloured stars on the right hand side placed neatly on the ultra high quality stereo from Walmart (note: this is in no way an endorsement of Walmart or its products and I am no way responsible for any poor quality items purchased at Walmart across Canada or the U.S.).

The stars are for the “Star of the Day Award” I give to colleagues to motivate and show them my appreciation for a job well done. For example, if they use the word “jazzy “, “breezy” or “tornadic” unexpectedly, I could give them the Star of the Day Award. Or, if they are going for coffee and ask if they could get me some, the Star of the Day is in their future! Basically, the award is given in a whimsical manner. The criteria is in no way fixed or fair which can be frustrating to those who really do want to win this prestigious award (I will not go on and on about the time I gave myself my own award; that was quite the day!).

Other items include pictures of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever with my head superimposed on his body. This was done by a co-worker after I one day wore the exact same outfit to work as Mr. Travolta was wearing in this picture (this was purely accidental!). Cheerful, vibrant yet sophisticated, this picture radiates the aura of fun and frivolity and still keeps the “I’m intelligent and can do this job” message.

Beside that on the right is a list of my ideas for R Magazine that I want to start one day. Thank goodness my name doesn’t start with an “O” like Oprah’s. Could you imagine the awkward conversation I’d have to have with Oprah telling her my magazine has the same name as hers?

Style Trend: The Classic Post-it Note

One accessory that never goes out of style is the ever in vogue Post-it note. In the above picture, notice the multitude of these shimmering squares of colour on the desk and on the wall. This is to symbolize the passion, energy and excitement of work.

The Post-it notes from a distance look like task reminders like “plan insurance liability seminar“ or "gather information on knob and tube wiring". In reality, the Post-it notes have random sayings like “I cannot text you with a drink in my hand -Lady Gaga.” Another Post-it says, “Stop callin’, stop callin’, I don’t wanna talk anymore” (another Gaga reference) which I sometimes post on my phone in an effort to telepathically communicate to would be callers that I really don’t want to talk to them about anything work related (the temptation to record “Telephone” as my voice message at work is overwhelming).

Multi-functional and Luxurious: Paper

Another lavish and chic desk accessory is paper. In the above picture you will see posted paper on the wall. One such paper includes the lyrics to Ke$ha’s hit song, Tik Tok. As I mentioned in my blog from January 14th, these lyrics were critical for my Tik Tok Lyric Initiative I employed in January.

I sent the Tik Tock lyrics to my co-workers and indicated everyone is to use a line from the song in all communications that day. For example, “Sara, can you please send me the stats. And by the way, I’m talking about everybody getting crunk, crunk…” or "Frankie, can you help me with this report cause when I leave for the night I ain't coming back..."(if you and your colleagues would like to take the Tik Tok Lyric Challenge, see my January 15th blog for the lyrics).

There’s also a copy of an email I sent to a co-worker asking him to hire me on the building services team (note: I am extremely NOT mechanical and lack building maintenance and assembly skills that would be required in this job...but as I noted in the posted email, I am good at dressing in business or casual attire and I excel at delegating to people who know what they're doing... shockingly, I did not get this job). What better way to brighten up your workspace then by advertising other job postings that you’ve applied for?

So now dear readers, feel empowered to reinvent and rejuvenate your workspace. Send in your desk photos for a chance to be featured in this blog. Who knows. Depending on how I’m feeling, you may even be granted the coveted Star of the Day Award. Happy Decorating!